For you I would ruin myself

twenty-four

Saturday comes around the corner dangerously fast and Lyla is starting to regret the decision of not explaining the whole panic attack thing that happened. Luke goes over her game plan not once, not twice but thrice but there is absolutely no fucking hope that Lyla will follow it, so they go the good ol' 'just wing it' way, and hope for the best.

Lyla doesn't eat breakfast or lunch for that matter, instead watches Luke eat her portion as well, which actually made her feel full but she is relying on the snacks that is going to be broken out at the park.

Whilst Lyla was getting ready to go out, again in her classic sweatpants and hoodie, Luke is screaming at her door, "I can go if you want, hang out a good few hundred metres away from you, but I'll be there if you need an emergency escape."

"Luke please," Lyla chuckles, "I know the epic fail on the game plan stuff is getting your hopes up but I'll be fine."

"Why are so relieved now," Luke shouts.

Lyla goes to the door and opens it, "Stop shouting you big moron," she walks into her bathroom and starts brushing through her hair, "If I'm being totally honest, I don't know why I'm not hundred times more anxious right now. But you know, Ashton, he'll make me feel safe and he won't force me to keep sharing so I'll be alright."

Luke shrugs, "Fair enough. You're weirdly mature now."

"What, do you miss the idiotic, pointless freak outs?"

"Oh God, no. Not one bit, thank the lord they're over."

"I will second that," Lyla comments and they burst into laughter.

The doorbell rings and a knocking sounds comes from downstairs, "That is me," Lyla says, collecting all the things she needs to bring in her arms and tries not to bust her ankles on the way down. She throws everything on the bench by the door and opens the door to greet Ashton.

"Ash buddy," Luke says from the stairs, "Make sure she doesn't die alright."

Ashton nods, "Yup I know," he crouches down to help Lyla with her things, "I told you, protective and scary," he whispers.

"Shut up," Lyla giggles. "Vamos now amigo."

From walking to taking a bus and back to walking, they've finally arrived at the park and find a spot in the open because the sun is shiny and it is warm and the weather is fabulous.

And all that fabulousness is going to get ruined by Lyla.

Ashton spreads out a comfy picnic blanket and puts out the ridiculous amount of food and drinks they bought for two people. Once again, is in his own little world sharing stories about his days and Lyla has no idea how to bring it up, so she just goes for it in the most awkward way possible.

"I need to tell you," she states, "The whole fiasco a few days ago, I've been freaking out about telling you and it's eating me alive so I'm just... just gonna need to tell you..." she gulps. "Everything."

Ashton stops, "You sure you're comfortable?"

"You need to know, for the sake of our friendship and so that you know I'm not dying the next time it happens, also you need to know or else it's going to ruin me even more."

"If you must."

"First of all, they... the um panic atta..." she mumbles, unwilling to say the entire word, "Uh– they get bad whenever I get flashbacks or memories of stuff that's somehow connected and similar to happened to you or the stuff I'm about to tell you."

Lyla starts off, too blunt, and continuous to be blunt, "My ex, the one I told you about ages ago. When he vanished and never came back. He actually vanished into a psych ward because he tried to," she swallows, "Tried to... um... commit..."