𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

xxix. adam ruzek.💫

You were devastated.

You were young. Healthy. You didn't think it would happen to you. You took all the prenatal vitamins. You took every precaution. Went to every appointment and left with a clean bill of health. You did everything right, but you and Adam still lost your baby in a terrifying miscarriage.

You had been having cramps for the past two days, but nothing that you didn't deal with in your first pregnancy. When you had your first child, a now 3 year old boy, you were excited; you made sure to eat the right things and exercise. Your doctor said your pregnancy was one of the easiest and healthiest he'd ever seen. Every detective at District 21 turned the mush when they met your little Tyler Ruzek, especially his god father, Hank.

But now, you weren't sure if you ever wanted to have a kid again. It had been nearly a month and a half since you lost your child and it still hurt as much as when you first found out. You were sitting in your bedroom when you felt a twinge of pain, growing stronger as the seconds passed. Adam was at work at the time, so he didn't hear your cries for help. You were thankful Tyler was with your mother. You looked down to see massive hemorrhaging and you knew what was happening, you just didn't believe it until you sitting in the emergency room.

The doctors had just delivered the news, and although it was expected, it didn't feel any easier taking the news. Adam hadn't shown up due to still working, and you didn't bother him. You got dressed and went home, allowing your body to get some much needed rest. Adam didn't find out until the next day during an argument.

"Y/N, you haven't fed Tyler anything that hasn't been microwaved! Since when did you stop cooking?" He asked, and you shook your head. "I know being pregnant can be hard on you-" "except I'm not.. pregnant," you interrupted, and he was taken aback. "I'm—I'm not following. What do you mean?" He asked, and you broke down. "I lost the baby yesterday, Adam.. I lost it," he held you in his arms as you both cried together.

But that was weeks ago.

Adam had taken over Tyler's care and your mother stepped up which was a big help. But now, you laid in bed every single day, not wanting to face the new day ahead. Adam was nearing his wits end. He loved you and hated to see you like this, but he had to do or say something. Which is why you were talking now. "You haven't played with Tyler in weeks. You haven't bathed either. You've barely eaten," you say up in bed, the curtains still drawn and stifled a fake laugh.

"I'm sorry, Adam. I apologize that my pain is taking too long to heal for you," you told him, and he rubbed his facial hair stressfully. "That's not what I meant-" "then what did you mean?" you mocked him. "I mean that just because you lose a part of you doesn't mean you can neglect the others!" He yelled, and you stopped. "I am all for letting you grieve and I am grieving too, don't think that I'm not.. but you can't just ignore the family you have here: me and Tyler, we need you, okay? Voight and your mother are a great help, but I'm mainly caring for Tyler on my own and with the hours I work, I can't do it alone much longer.. I want you to grieve, but I need you to come back to me.." he cried for you, and you felt your heart sink.

You sighed, knowing he was right. People experience loss every day, but they couldn't just stop caring for the ones around them that love them. You loved Adam more than anything—and Tyler, too—they were your motivation for every breath you took. You would learn to lean on Adam instead of attempting to handle the loss on your own, and it was the best thing you could've done..

——
handling loss on such a large magnitude is something i can't imagine, but please know that you are never alone.

a.