My Story

Hope and Faith

What is hope?
The Bible says that hope deferred makes the heart sick.
People say hope is a sincere wish, trust, to want something to happen, to expect with confidence.
And what about faith?
The Bible says that faith is the substance of things that are hoped for, and the evidence of things that are unseen.
People say faith is complete trust, firm belief without there being any proof.
But faith is more than just a hope and a prayer and a wish and a good thought.
The Bible also says about faith that faith without works is dead.
There are heights I want to soar to, jobs I want to attain, places I want to go...hands I want to hold.
But if I sit on my hands, repeat the same cycles over and over again, I'll keep getting the same results...nothing. Not one step closer to a new job, new travels...new relationships. Nowhere.

But even my hopes have shriveled up & crumbled like ash. My dreams have been flung far away, dashed to the ground, shattered before my eyes. I have no hope, this side of eternity. Not for rest, not for peace, not for joy, not for love.
If I were to ever leave my job, I'd be in tears, missing the people I've visited with for the last 10 years.
If I were to travel, I'd be too scared of saying something or doing something wrong or culturally offensive that I wouldn't want to do anything.
If, and what a huge "if" it is, I were to ever be in a committed, marriage relationship...I'd probably sob all through the ceremony. Not in fear of what I'm getting myself into, but in shock that what I thought was 10,000% impossible was actually happening.
But for me, hope is stamped out faster than a roach at a bug squishing competition. There is no end to the worries and doubts and obstacles. And what's worse is, I told myself back.