My Story

why do I even keep trying

'Nic, Lee', 'Tin, Pete'...Matt', Kurt, Jorge, Dave'...

Why do I keep my standards so damn high

It's not like anyone could ever meet em

Why do I keep throwing my heart out there, just to have it flipping crushed, over and over again

No one ever sees me, not the real me, the hurting me, the scared me, the me who can't sleep because she doesn't want to be alone anymore...

But they see the me who scares off blokes who's opening line in a retail setting is "I wanna take you home, how can I do that?"...sir, did you want to send money to pay your lights or not?
"I wanna take you on a date"... sir, your wife and 2 sons frequently shop here, you're paying child support for a kid I haven't met yet, and I already called you out for hitting on an underage minor twice.
"You look like the kind of girl, how you say, make her happy in the morning, and she'll keep you happy all day long"...sir, did you want to buy the smart watch for your granddaughter or not, if so, lemme go get a manager with the keys...
"Oh so you're a Leo"...you can follow Leo the lion all you want, I'd rather follow the Lion of the Tribe of Judah any day of the week.

As smart as those comments are, as handy as they are to use at work...
35 and still single is not easy to handle or process.

Observers think something must be wrong with me (plenty, thanks for rubbing it in), or they try to fill up my hope reserves (he'll show up one day, just be patient, God's timing is perfect) but they are pouring into a shattered vessel. I can collect a few drops, here and there on the shards of my heart and soul, but they evaporate so quickly, it's like there was nothing there in the first place.