The Babysitting Job- Loki x Reader story

Chapter 37

Y/n's POV:

Jet black hair
Green piercing eyes
Crooked grin
Peppermint
Camp Lock Flint

I sit up in my bed in a cold sweat. I'm trembling and can hardly breathe. I feel like there's a huge weight on my chest that I can't get off. As usual, Loki sits up too and hugs me tightly, reminding me where I am and that he is here. He strokes my hair until I calm down enough to form words.
"Are you alright?" He asks me every night, just like he did for the first time on the cliff all those months ago.
"Jos never coming back." I whisper. I don't believe in a higher power and Loki knows that. He doesn't try to convince me I'll see her again.
"I know love. I know." He repeats as I sob again. He rubs my back.

Loki learned from the last few nights to not tell me that everything is going to be okay. If he tells me that, then I flip out on him and it gets bad. Still, he finds a way for me to calm down every time. I grew eternally grateful for him, because without him, I would probably be dead by now. Which was ironic since we both wanted each other dead before all this.

It had been almost two weeks since her death.

Every night, I would wake up continuously from a nightmare. Loki kept his promise and stayed with me the whole time. He would take care of me and force me to eat no matter how much I didn't want to. He would make sure I take showers and Thor stayed to clean the house. I hated to put this upon them but I couldn't do anything about it. Loki would take me to the picnic spot and read the books I gave him. But was this love? I knew he loved me. He would hold my hand and touch me any time he could. He was always checking on me and was there every time I broke down.

But was I in love? I had never been in love before so this was all new to me. Everyone knew I had trust issues and I would second guess myself with anything I did. Loki saw past that, and he forced myself to open up to him and tell him everything.

The day before the funeral, we were sitting at a bench in the park. He took my hand in his and traced circles in my palm, making goosebumps go up my skin.
"Y/n, I'm terribly sorry for leaving you." He whispers, and then I know I am in love with him. For me, love isn't the fighting or the running away from each other. Love is the need and desire to come back to each other and admitting you were wrong for your actions. I didn't experience that until I met him. We fight so much, but we always come back. And that simple apology made my broken heart mend slightly.

"I love you Loki." I tell him quietly, as if letting it out into the world was scary. Which it was. I have lost so many loved ones, but with Loki, I lose myself if I'm not with him. He was the first person I told the truth to, and that truth is a part of me. He looks up at me with such adoration in his eyes it makes my aching heart skip. He grips my hand with his and pulls my face close with the other hand.
"I was hoping you would say that." He jokes and I smile. He kisses me passionately and holds my face in his hand. I put my other hand on his neck and pull him closer. He smiles against my lips and pulls away for air. He rests his forehead against mine. "I love you too y/n." He tells me. He is the only thing I have left. He pulls me close as my eyes water.

I'm addicted to him. He is a drug I am drawn to. But he is mine, and he loves me. So, I let him consume every part of me because I've gone too far now to turn back.

For the first time, I don't have a nightmare.

The next morning, I wake up early unintentionally to get ready. I knew what Jo would say if we were going to a funeral together. "Y/n? You're wearing that? Honey, I know we're mourning and everything but you gotta look hot while doing it. You don't know how many broken boys could be there and I know that's your type." She would say while putting on bright red lipstick. She always wanted to make an impression on anyone she met.

Loki came in and kissed me.
"Who is planning this funeral again?" He asks.
"My father who I haven't talked to in years." He sits down, wanting me to tell him more. "When I was a kid, my mom left. My dad broke down but decided to be a good father for the both of us. When I was taken by Hydra, the officials told him that I left because I wanted to escape everything. He still doesn't know the truth. The last thing he has done is sent me a letter saying 'just like your mother'" he cringed.
"I'm sorry." I shrugged. It was just another thing to push away.

Loki left to go to the tower. I put on a black dress that goes above my knee and black flats. I put on a necklace of pearls that Jo got me for Christmas and put on dark red lipstick. For Jo. I remember a purse I got a while ago and look under my bed for it. I move my hand back and forth until it catches on something. An envelope with my name on it in Jo's crappy cursive handwriting. I sit on my bed, my heart racing, and open the letter.

Hey Y/n,

        If you get this, then that means you aren't entirely ignoring me. I haven't heard from you in forever! I need to know everything about that guy with greasy hair you were falling hard over. Is he still there? Or have you actually gained taste now?

      Anyway, I'm doing fine. I hooked up with a guy the other day from a bar and after we did it he told me he is married..... what am I supposed to do now? I'm going on another date this weekend with some guy that says he know you. He said he was apart of the "social experiment" you were in and you mentioned my name. How sweet. Well, I mean, maybe. The guy is a little weird looking but is biggg

      I want to know how you're doing. I hope you're okay. I love you so much. Remember, don't worry so much.
                                                  Love ya,
                                                Joanna

         Thank god I wasn't wearing mascara because I began to sob, another wave of poisonous guilt drowning me in its acid. Loki came in from working out and saw me and the letter I was clutching.
"Oh no," he murmurs under his breath. He takes the letter and reads it quickly. He goes pale and bends down to be eye level with me.
"Y/n, I hid this from you. I'm sorry. You were so out of it after the mission when the letter arrived. You were already hurting and I couldn't bear to watch you hurt more." I stand up, suddenly angry at him.
"Why did you? I could have saved her and stopped her from going on that date! She wouldn't be dead now if it wasn't for you!" I yell, storming out of the room.
"Y/n wait please-" I grab my shoes and teleport to my car. I hit the steering wheel so hard it dents. I couldn't change the past. Still, I was mad at him for this. I was mad at everything. Why did I have to go through this? What the hell did I do to earn this? I hit my head on the back of my chair and cry silent tears.
Someone knocks on my window.
"Loki I don't want to talk to you." Even though I do.
"Who's Loki?" I open my eyes and meet his caramel colored eyes. His face didn't look different at all.
"Dad?"