Burden // LS STORY

Part 17.

"Hi Lou" he mumbles under his breath, looking almost ashamed of himself.

I launch off the bed and crash myself into him, wrapping my arms as sightly as I can around him.

"How?" is all I manage to mumble against the side of his neck even though I had 1000 questions running through my mind.

"Your mum, she came to visit me at Campbell this morning. She insisted I came back with her. She's definitely got a way with words that woman, she is incredible." He explains.

I pull myself off him and wipe the tears that had escaped my eyes.

I let go of a small chuckle. "Yeah, she's amazing" I agree.

"So, do you think we could maybe, go somewhere, to talk?" the nervous tone to his question makes me worry that he doesn't exactly want to be here, he just didn't know how to say no to my mum.

I nod my head eagerly and grab a nearby jacket as the winds were pretty chilly here this time of the year.

I manage to snake Harry out of the house before my sisters got a hold of him, my guesses were mum rallied them up to give us some privacy.

I lead us along the road before stopping by a small pond that housed a few bench seats. I figured this may be a good place to talk, and boy did I have some things I needed to get off my chest.

"Harry, I'm so happy you're here" I gasp once we finally position ourselves on the bench, I can't help but notice he has left quite a gap between us.

"What did you need to say to me Louis?" I'm caught off guard by his tone, fearful that my previous assumption was right.

I swallow my nerves from deep within my throat. "That I am so sorry Harry. I ruined what should have been the absolute perfect moment, I don't know what came over me, but you have to know. I never wanted it to play out like this." It took all my strength to hold back my sobbing.

He doesn't say anything, he continues to just stare at me, so I take this silence as my que to continue explaining, apologising, whatever I am able to do. I just need to do something.

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness Harry, what I did, it was awful, I can't even begin to imagine what that felt like for you. You trusted me to protect you through that and I let you down. I'll never know how to tell you how sorry I am." I whimper.

He has such a blank stare on his face, I can't read him, I can't figure out what it is he is thinking, what is going on in that head of his.

"Harry, please say something." I beg.

"I gave you my complete innocence Louis, I gave you the last piece I had to give anyone, and you ripped it from me." He spoke with such a low monotone; I could sense the hurt in every word. But I was confused.

What did he mean his complete innocence?

"Harry, I thought -" he cuts me off right before I'm able to finish.

"I was a virgin Lou" he confesses.

My jaw drops.

"But, Olivia, you said that -"

"I never said I fucked her, she went down on me a couple times, but yeah, I was a virgin." He shifts his eyes away from me.

Just when I didn't think this could get any worse.

"Harry I -"

"It was something that I considered to be such a significant part of you, I was never going to like wait for marriage or any of that, but I never cared for anyone enough to give them that part of me, until you" he sighs. "I trusted you, your right, who knew I was so misguided with my feelings!" he sarcastically chuckles at himself.

I reach forward and take the side of his face in my hand. "Harry, you weren't misguided, you can trust me. I promise, you can. I fucked up; I know that. I, I don't even know what happened, it's like I blacked out or something." I stress on every word I'm saying.

He adds pressure onto my hand with his cheek, melting more into my touch.

"I can accept the fact that you didn't mean what you did Louis, I can see that in your eyes, I know you feel guilt for what happened. But I don't know how to move on from this, with you. I can't see myself ever trusting you again with me." His confession echoes through me. I don't like where this is heading.

"Harry, you can trust me, please" I shift myself closer to him on the seat, my hand resting dormant on his face. I use my thumb to stroke his cheek bone in an attempt to soothe. With his eyes clenched shut, he reaches up for my hand with his and removes it from his face. Holding it in his grip for only a moment, moving it gently toward his lips and placing a soothing kiss over my knuckles.

No.

This feels too much like a goodbye. Like an end and I can't survive that.

"Please" I sob, latching my fingers around his thumb to restrict him from letting me go.

I notice the tears falling from his sealed eye lids.

I shift myself even closer to him on the seat, so our bodies are now resting up against one another, I reach across me with my other hand to cup his jaw in my grasp.

"Look at me." I whisper.

He slowly unpeels his eyelashes revealing his bloodshot, broken eyes. It looks like I have sucked every inch of life from him.

I flicker my eyes between his, reaching for a lifeline, for a hint of mercy. I needed him to give me something.

"Harry, please." I resort to begging. "I don't want to lose this."

"How can I trust you?" he whimpers.

"Let me prove it to you" I cried.

Without hesitation I bring my lips up to meet his. In a final attempt for forgiveness.

He doesn't react into my kiss, but he doesn't push me away either.

I hold my position, melting my lips further into his, begging for a response.

"Don't let go of me" I mumble against his lips before pressing them together again, with a little more dominance and lust.

He still doesn't react, he doesn't kiss me back, he doesn't do anything.

"Harry" I moan, tasting the saltness of our tears that trickle between us. "Don't say we are done. I'm never going to find another you."

The weakness of my lips reflects just how unstable my emotions are as I let my lips fall upon his.

But this time.

Something caught me.

He caught me.

He kissed me back this time, with a hunger, with forgiveness.