Burden // LS STORY

Part 39.

I stood frozen facing the door that had just been slammed in my face.

I never responded when Harry said he loved me.

That was 2 weeks ago and I never said anything after it.

How could I be so stupid?

It didn't even register with me how he would be feeling after that.

He bared his complete feelings for me on that park bench and my ego was so dominating that I was too focused in on seeing Katie and sorting all that side of things out that I didn't even think to return my feelings.

He's gone the past two weeks with this weight on his shoulders when really, it's been the complete opposite.

I am so in love with this boy.

Shock saw an initial hesitation in my response, which I guess me not following him immediately would only send his thoughts into overdrive.

"Harry!" I call as I pull open the door with extreme force. I glanced up and down each side of the hallway and there was no sight of him.

Shit.

My feet took me in the direction of Niall's room, grasping harshly on the doorframe as I peered eagerly through the room.

"Is he here?" I shout.

Niall looks at me confused and shakes his head.

I inhale a sharp breath and make my way down the other end of the hall.

The field.

Every time we have a problem or something to confess, we go to the field.

I quickly dug back into my room and pull what I was searching for out of my case and continue my venture to find Harry.

As I ran across the back oval in direction of the trees, I see his frame leant up against the tree.

My journal clenched tight in my fingertips; I slowly walk towards his back that was greeting me.

I take in a deep breath and turn to about the 3rd entry.

"July 3rd - I don't know what it is about you Harry, but everything with you just makes sense. I haven't known you for very long at all yet when I look at you, I see the person I wish I was. I don't consider myself to be a very decent person, I have let down the people I never wanted to disappoint, I have hurt people who deserved all the love. I feel like I have wasted so many days of my life being selfish and preoccupied with fulfilling an empty ideology of who I was expected to be. When I should have been expecting more of myself. Since meeting you, I want to be better, I want to do better. How do you have this effect over me? Right here and now with you, I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that can be." I begin to recite the journal entry I had been writing the day Harry and I stayed back at campus when everyone went on break, right before we slept together for the first time.

I make my way around to sit myself in front of me and flip a few pages into another entry.

"July 16th - What did I do in a past life to deserve this man? I can't put my finger on what my favourite thing about you is Harry, but I know it's just absolutely everything. It's the way you make me laugh, the way you make test my patience, the way you put me in my place when I'm being a dick. It's everything Harry. It's been everything from the moment I saw you in our dorm room day one."

I swallow a deep nerve in my throat, I don't even glance up at him, I just flip a few more entries and begin to read again.

"August 18th - You've just ducked out of the hospital room quickly Harry, I know you haven't left my side since I was brought in. I don't know what this means for us, I know I told you that I forgave you and you said it too, but I can't help feeling that something is different, something unexplainable. You saved me Harry. And I'm not talking about carrying me from a building after being shot. I'm talking about walking into my life and showing me what it really means to be happy. You saved me Harry."

I can't help but quickly glance up. There were tears forming in his eyes as he listened intently to what I was saying.

"September 16th - Today you told me that you blamed yourself for my accident and it destroyed me. You felt guilty for making me question what I was feeling for you, but today, looking at you, being with you, watching you defend me and protect me, I have never been surer of my feelings. I know what it is I am destined for in this life Harry. I know exactly what I am feeling. And it's all for you."

"September 28th - Mum figured it out, by a simple glance on my face when I looked at you. She figured it all out. I was terrible at hiding it. And I worry, if she can tell, what happens if you see it as well? What if it scares you off? What if you never feel this way for me in return?"

"October 1st - there's no denying it anymore. I'm completely in love with this boy. I have been since the moment I laid eyes on him. I never knew that this type of feeling was even possible, I thought it was only scripted in movies to give people a false sense of hope, but now I know, not even Ali and Noah did this feeling justice. The movies watered it down. Being this in love with someone gives you the most outrageous feeling of free falling, whilst having complete control over it the entire time. I understand your world is crumbling around you at the moment Harry, but I can promise you, that it doesn't matter what you're going through, no matter how much you push me away, no matter what heartaches come your way. I promise I'll never be one of them. And I'm going to love you unconditionally, through it all, forever."

I carefully place the journal closed, wiping my own tear that managed to fall from my own eye.

I look up at him and see absolutely everything.

When I arrived, I was looking at a boy who I knew I loved, and I knew he loved me. Now I look at a man, who knows I love him, and who I know loves me. And suddenly it was all in focus.

The breeze felt softer, the sunlight warmer, the ground more supportive, and him, oh him, he was more perfect than usual.

"You, you love me?" he stutters out through a falling tear.

"Harry, I love you. I'm sure I loved you in a past life too and I know I'll love you in every lifetime after this."