Burden // LS STORY

Part 32.

I don't know what it is about Harry's words that make me trust him so easily, I don't know how I fall victim to just believing everything that comes out of his beautiful mouth.

I accepted his story so easily and almost felt overwhelmed with guilt because of the stories I painted in my head to what was actually going on. I let this boy completely and utterly consume every thought I ever had and I was suddenly okay with being the 'other person' in their relationship. He told me that technically, he still had a girlfriend, that he was still connected with someone else, that his words on the phone saying that he loved her meant nothing and that he was always planning on ending it with her the minute he and I got back together. But the timeline in his story was something that struck me down the most.

It had been 3 years.

But he was meeting up with a girl named Olivia during town day, a girl who he says, he never had sex with, only just got him to climax whenever he needed it. The same way in which he did with the straight guys at the college.

And then that night I caught him having Kyle attend to him, and then he sleeps with Kyle whilst he and I were in an argument, and then we get back together. But all along, he has Katie at home waiting for him to call.

How could I trust anything he says when all along there were so many prominent people in his life and he was making each of us feel special.

Was I just another pawn piece in his game?

When he spoke with Katie does my name come up?

Am I the sad lonely boy at school who gripped onto him during 48 ours in confinement?

I lay here next to the man who I have completely fallen for and let the continuous questions flow through my mind uncontrollably.

I forgave him in the field, the minute he told me that nothing in this world could change his feelings for me, I melted like putty in his hands. I feel for his words.

I always do.

What if I end up hurt again? I couldn't go through with it, but I was already so far deep in my feelings for Harry that even if I backed away now out of good graces, I was going to get hurt.

I knew nothing about his history, nothing about him before I got to the college. Everything we ever discussed were future plans, or we went too far back to his childhood. The guy he was at the college before I got there never got discussed.

How come he ruled the place? Why did people flinch at his very presence? All of these questions, I never knew the answers to.

I turn my head over toward the clock as it clicks past 2:13am. I still haven't slept; my mind has been keeping me from it.

But as I look over at Harry, he looks so peaceful, like nothing in this world could hurt him.

His face was melted into the pillow and one of his arms draped over the top of my stomach as I lay on my back staring at the ceiling.

I wanted to trust him. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to believe that he wanted to be with me. But I didn't know how to let go of this crazy feeling inside of me that I was missing something. Like I was being made a fool of.

Against my better judgement, I slipped my hand over to his side of the bed and fetched his phone that was laying underneath his pillow.

I brought it up into my eyeline and focused on the lock screen for a very long time. Deciding whether or not this was a good idea.

I don't exactly know what I was trying to find. I don't exactly know what I was hoping to discover. But I felt like I needed to look.

I swiped it unlocked, he didn't have a passcode, that should have been my first instinct to stop. If he didn't have a passcode, possibly he wasn't hiding anything? Or maybe he just never expected me to look.