Burden // LS STORY

Part 33.

"What the fuck!" Harry shouts from his pillow, adjusting himself so he is now sitting up.

"You're going through my phone?" he spits as he finally sits up right, rubbing his eyes to get himself more awake.

I choose not to say anything. I want to hear his explanation to what he has just heard.

He snatches the phone from my hands and looks at the video that was on the screen.

"What the hell Louis?" he boasts, putting the phone back on the side table and turning his body to face me.

"Nothing could pull you away from her?" I repeat the words that we both just heard him say.

"That video was from ages ago Louis. I thought I explained to you what the situation was with her!" he attempts to calm himself down, but I knew, I could see it in his eyes, he was furious with me for invading his privacy, but after what I just found, I really don't care.

I remain silent, knowing that saying nothing was expressing everything I would have wanted to say in words anyway.

My knees are tucked up at my chest and I'm resting my chin down upon it.
"Louis?" he questions again, pushing for a response.

"Nothing, could pull you away from her!" I repeat again.

He looks so lost; his eyes are frantically flicking back and forth between mine searching for the answer.

"What?" he mumbles.

I finally lift myself up to a sitting position, looking over at him. It was hard to hide the hurt I felt as my waterline begun to fill slowly with tears.

"Louis, I don't understand." He groans, catching a falling tear that escaped my eye.

"Just like I should never question your feelings for me, because nothing in the world would pull you away from me?" I resight the words he promised to me today in the field.

It's like you could see the ball drop in his mind, finally connecting the dots. His eyes widen as he shuffles his body closer to mine.

"Oh, Louis, I didn't, I just -" he couldn't even formulate a sentence.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, bringing his hand up to the side of my face.

I tilt my head away with force, not wanting him to touch me right now. I couldn't even make eye contact with him through this. I don't know why, but nothing in me trusted him. I couldn't.

I wanted to trust him, but I couldn't. Suddenly, I believed nothing and questioned everything.

"Lou, come on." He mumbles, trying again to reach for me, I move from his grasp.

"Harry, please, just don't touch me right now." I shake with a nervous stern to my voice.

I didn't know what my next move was, I didn't plan any of this out.

"Okay, but can you please just talk to me?" he begs.

"I don't know what to say to you at the moment Harry. I can appreciate that it must just be an awful coincidence, I can accept that. But it raises more questions than it does answer them." I explain to him. Slowly wriggling myself from the bed so I'm not standing at the foot of the bed.

"Where are you going?" he gasps.
I retrieve a jacket from my cupboard, zipping it up knowing that the nighttime air is relentless. "I don't know Harry. I just need to, I don't know, walk."

He quickly jumps out of bed, "I'll come with you"

I shake my head and force my hands flat upon his chest. "I need to just be alone Harry."

I lift my gaze to meet his eyes as he stood taller than me.

My heart broke when I saw the tears filling up in his eyes.

"Louis, please, I don't, I just, please don't" he stumbled out his words through his tears.

I clenched my eyes shut and looked away from him. Not wanting to be persuaded, I needed to be selfish here. He has hurt me. I needed to focus on my feelings through this.

"Harry, please, just let me go." I whisper my eyes still shut.

I feel his hands snake around the base of my lower back.

"Louis" he mumbles, his forehead pushed into the side of my temple in one last plea.

"Harry, I need to go. Please, just let me go." I beg as I fish my arms around my own back, lifting his from their grasp.

He collapses so he is sitting on the bed and throws his hands into his face, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Louis" he breaks out through a rush of emotions.

I don't turn around to look at him, I simply just stop in my tracks and raise my head to signal I was listening.

"I can't hear you say that we are done." His voice is muffled, like he is speaking into his hands. "I can't ever picture a world that doesn't have you as mine in it. I don't want to. I can't do that. Louis please"

My head falls forward, his words absolutely shattering me, but I didn't know how to feel about all of this, I didn't know whether they were just words.

"Harry, I just need some time to collect my thoughts" I beg.

I didn't want to leave him now he was upset, but this was one of the things I have been questioning, whether or not he was manipulating me through this. I needed some time to breathe. I couldn't have him controlling this.
He lunges forward and wraps his arms around my shoulders, holding my back tightly against his torso. "Louis" he whispers.

"Harry, please" I moan back, begging to be set free.

"Don't leave me!" He cries out.

"I need some time"

"But I love you"

Everything in me froze. I felt numb. Something that I wanted to hear, something I didn't know he felt.

"Harry, please" is all I'm able to reply.

"Louis, I love you" he repeats against the crook in the back of my neck.

Giving a gentle yet purposeful kiss.
"But you love her too, remember" I use the last amount of courage I had in me to spit the hurtful reminder to him. He told her on the phone last night that he loved her.

It took everything I dreamed this moment of being away from me.

I slid out of his grip as the shock of my statement made his arms loosen around me.

I left the room and left him standing there, speechless.

This was more fucked up than I had come to realise.