Burden // LS STORY

Part 16.

"Harry, I didn't realise I was hurting you. I'm sorry!" I plead.

I really didn't. Everything became such a blur the moment I entered him. I really didn't hear him, I didn't. I wouldn't. I couldn't. I'm not like that.

But I am, because that is exactly what I did.

"Get out!" he screamed.

My jaw dropped.

"No, please don't do this, I'm sorry!" I begged.

He was picking up his clothes from the floor and was already half dressed as I begged for mercy.

"Harry, please, let's talk about this. I need to explain." I apologized.

"Don't come anywhere near me Louis! I need you to go right now. I don't want to see you" he fumed.

I was balled up in sadness, anger, but only at myself. I can't even explain what happened. But I was suddenly a different person. I wasn't me. I would never want to hurt him; I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted that moment to be so special for the both of us and I have no idea how it all got taken away from me so suddenly.

"Harry" I choke out in a final plea.

"Get out!" he screams, making me flee on my feet out the door completely naked. But I couldn't go back for my clothes, I was too ashamed. I run straight into my room flinching at the sound of him slamming his door closed.

I collapse onto my bed and struggle to contain my overflowing emotions. I can't face Harry; I don't know what to say. I can't believe I fucked it all up so terribly so quickly and I couldn't even explain it.

I quickly stood up and got dressed in the closest things I had to me and piled a whole bunch of random things into a bag and sprinted out the door, down the stairs of the main building and across the open yard that led out to the gates.

I was trying to escape as quick as my feet would let me. As soon as I reached the bus station, I booked the first departure to Dublin to catch a flight back home. I only had to wait at the station for about an hour before a bus came to collect me. The trip took roughly 2 hours, but I slept the entire way. I was so emotionally drained and frustrated with my own presence that I needed to sleep. I was terrified of my thoughts.

The flight home was a blurred mess, I was so focused on getting as far away as possible, that I wasn't looking at the journey around me. The image of Harry's distort body beneath me as I was whipped back into reality played on a heart wrenching loop in my head, not even sleep helped me escape my dreadful reality.

~

"Oh honey" Mum holds me as I explained. Obviously leaving out some of the details a mother never needs to hear about her son's sex life no matter the gender of the other party, but she knew me better than anyone, surely, she got that I never wanted to hurt him.

"What if he never forgives me mum?" I mumble.

My head was placed in her lap now as I lay my legs out along the bed, as she ran her fingertips through my hair.

"He will honey, just give him time. If he is everything you said he is, he will come around and give you a chance to explain." She uttered.

I nod against her legs.

"I can't lose him mum" I admit to both her and myself at the same time.

She shifts her weight, gesturing me to sit up and look at her. "Louis, look at me, you are the most amazing boy I have ever met, I am so proud of the man you are becoming, Harry will understand that you made a mistake, and if he doesn't, he never deserved you anyway" she explained.