Là Vengaza

∆ Forty-Nine∆

Felicia's POV

Everyone was either busy with catching up on issues at hand or resting.

The family and Nicholas were in a serious board meeting. I excused myself under the pretense that I had a serious headache. Louisa and my mom were resting .

Oregon's death had taken a huge toll on me as I didn't even know why. He didn't see it coming. Troy told me Juanita and Andy too were dead.

Only if I had stayed to listen to Nicholas that day, he wouldn't have been so depressed enough not to watch out and destroy Gullian's plans..

Now all because of me, His mom,his two best friends,and his daughter are dead.

Why?

I decided to Clear my head by walking out the estate.

People passed by with eager faces and I wondered if they knew anything about gang life and how you lose someone so inevitably whether young or old.

My further depressed state set in when....all what I saw were women carrying the babies,others were pushing in carts.

The tears I had decided to hide when Malaika died came out so fast.

" Mummy, ti amor"
I heard one child say in Italian.

Adding salt to injury,a man came from behind and hugged the child ,he gave the woman a kiss and walked away with them.

This could be Nicholas and I but...

There were too many 'buts'...

I turned and decide to go back to the estate.

Tears blinding my vision I stumbled and fell but I kept on going.

I didn't realize I was hurting this much .. Nicholas probably thought he was the only one hurting in this. It wasn't fair. ...

I thought giving myself to him will make what we shared before come back but no...he just used me and forgot.
I only became his one night whore to ease the fact that he hasn't been with a woman for a long time.

I finally collapsed on one of the cars in that garage and let my tears out.

Everyone will think I was the woman who broke her boyfriend's heart and killed his child,but I knew I was more.

I broke him.

Taking my life won't do any harm right?

They could do better at fighting Gullian and Vipon alone without me .I would just be a hindrance. What if that day I cause someone to die again.

No I can't risk that.

" Felicia?"

I wiped my face but I knew I was a red mess.

Troy stood behind me and with a confused look

" Where'd you go?, Nicholas was worried"

Yeah right!

" Just took a walk"

" What's wrong with you, are you okay"

He tried touching me and I went back .

" It's fine I'll clean up and meet him"..

" If there's anything,always Know I care too" he said and I smiled at him.

********

My eyes were still swollen, but my hair was redone and I walked out to meet Nicholas.

He had his head on his table when I entered..I cleared my throat once and I looked up.

" Where have you been"

I tried to tell you but I refused...  He wasn't the only one hurting enough to be rude at me.

" Do you care? Now get to the point"

He smiled?

Yes he did..

I was still standing by the door,but he got up and I realized he had no shirt on..

What the hell!

His sweatpants hung too low .....

Slowly he Walked to me ...

I didn't move...

Why? I don't even know

" Oh Bambina"

The name....he called me that name again....the tears were coming back so fast....I actually missed that name.

"You want to act tough but you can't,why? You think I don't know you've been crying all day,you almost stumbled and fell down after seeing a couple and baby,you couldn't even walk"

I gasped,how did he even know?

" You want to know why? "

I nodded

" Because I was there too, I know it breaks your heart the same way it breaks mine,I decided to follow you,I can't let you go out without a protection, you're in a gang for fuck sake!" He slammed his fist on the door right above my head.

" I...uh...."

" You what? You think I'm selfish like you,that I don't think about when making decisions....."

" I'm not selfish,okay,it wasn't my fault, everything was unplanned....I walk everyday of my life blaming myself what happened,yet you all blame all on me"

" It's your fault"

" I know that,and I will make things right,just stop talking about this,I don't care if you don't love me or want me anymore,the moment all this is over,I'll leave you alone and you won't deal with my trouble again"

That snapped the beast in him and he took my lips with face... kissing all the life out of it.

We pulled back breathless.

He stared deep into my eyes and whispered.

" I don't know why I can't hate you, believe me I've tried"

He walked out.

I know this is a sad chapter,sorry.