METANOIA, james potter.

14. MERE MOMENTS BEFORE

(  14 — MERE MOMENTS BEFORE.  )

FOR WHATEVER it was worth, Carina felt freer than she ever had whenever she was with James. Nothing was expected when they were together and that was refreshing to her. Spending nights in the Room of Requirements became more frequent, with or without the Potter boy. At some point she had brought Perseus when she ran into him after their rounds. Tonight, an unorthodox development took place as Carina wished to get some studying and reading done but behind the doors held the Marauders and Perseus, laughing and bonding. It was a strange sight to witness.

"Since when have you all been so. . . chum." Carina drawled. All heads spun in her direction; Carina watched in bewilderment as she slowly walked forward to sit herself on the longest sofa across from the roaring fireplace.

"Carina!" Perseus gleefully greeted. "Join us." he motioned for her to get closer to them as they were all stationed on the rug in front of the fireplace. They were close enough, one push and any one of them could be set on fire.

"No, I am quite all right, thank you." she rejected, making herself comfortable on the sofa. "Don't mind me. . . I will just be getting some studying and light reading in. Carry on with your. . . shenanigans." she dismissed, the books appearing on her lap.

"Oh c'mon, Black. Come join us." James encouraged, motioning for her to join them. "It is my birthday, after all."

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" she arched an eyebrow.

"Ah." he held his hand to his chest. "That one hurt, Black. And here I thought we were starting to become friends." he feigned hurt as his friends watching in bewilderment.

"What's happening right now?" Peter enquired in a whisper, addled.

"I believe they are what is called, making nice." Remus replied, leaning towards his smaller blonde friend and whispering. "They're joking together, Wormy. Have we entered a parallel universe?" he asked keeping a hushed tone.

"It can't be a friendship if it is mostly one-sided." Carina quipped. "Shouldn't you be off somewhere, weeping about your unrequited love for Lily Evans — reciting some heartbreaking sonnet by Shakespeare?" she asked, bringing up some topic she was taking a stab in the dark about.

James looked perplexed; shocked of what she knew. "That is simply untrue, preposterous." he quickly defended. "Besides. . . Lily has made it abundantly clear that we will never happen." his voice, sadder and lower than before.

"So that wasn't you last night, mopping in the Tower — weeping about Lily Evans." she taunted, forgetting all about the books on her lap.

"Ha! As expected, I was in our dorms all night." he proudly exclaimed, now knowing she was bluffing.

"So, you wept in your dorms all night, then." she stated matter-of-factly. "Ask any one of these imbeciles you share a dorm with, and they'd all answer the same."

"No." he shook his head, Remus and Peter mimicking his actions — as if they'd ever turn on their friend.

"Shall we leave you two alone?" Sirius cut in, not sure if they should stay or not.

"No!" they shouted, simultaneously. Carina and James shared a quick look before turning away.

"I think we have had all our fun tonight; we'll leave you two alone." Perseus smacked his lips together getting off the ground and flashing a wide grin to Carina as she scowled at him.

"That's absurd! We've only just gotten here!" Peter protested but Remus pulled him up with him.

"Don't stay up too late, Prongs. We'll see you back at the dorms, mate." Sirius followed suit as he softly patted James' shoulder and they all backed out of the room before anyone else could protest.

James lingered by the fireplace; silence quickly followed as Carina opened up her book. They hadn't had a proper conversation since that night on Valentine's Day, it was a discussion Carina would rather forget — she wasn't even sound of mind, it meant nothing. At least, that was what she kept telling herself; deep down she knew.

❝ Drunken minds speak the sober heart. ❞

Or however the line went, Carina didn't want to believe it because then that would mean James was right — and she'd hate to be wrong. "Want to talk about it?"

Carina looked up from her book, locking eyes with the Gryffindor golden boy, "About what, exactly?" she played dumb, crumbling the corner of the page she's been stuck on all night.

James deadpanned, "You know exactly what I'm talking about." Fixing his gaze and tracing the patterns lined on the rug.

"I was drunk, James. You can't seriously trust the words of someone who could barely even walk straight." Carina explained, trying to move away from the subject.

Carina kept her eyes trained on James as he looked back up. "Only slightly buzzed — I believe those were your exact words." he recited as a smile danced across his features.

"Glad to see you can keep yourself amused."

"But of course. You know — since I am helping you through your troubles. . . you could learn to trust me, tell me what goes on in that mind of yours." James pressed, "A little heart to heart."

Maybe it was time, Carina thought to herself. Maybe, Perseus was right all along — would she ever verbally admit it, hell no — she needed to open up more, but not to James. . . not now at least. "Fuck off, James." she cursed, rolling her eyes and roughly shutting Romeo and Juliet, getting off the sofa. Her peaceful mood now ruined, wanting to trade reading for sleeping.

"There's options." he spoke up from behind her. "There's always options." Carina stood by the doors, her back turned to him, her hand lingering on the door. "You don't have to pretend with me."

Carina pushed her hair back, "I am aware of all my options. Yield or die — I would rather live, thank you very much."

"Or. . . you could — just a thought — get away. You know you'll always have a place at the Manor. You and Perseus." he kindly offered — it took some getting used to but Carina was enjoying this new side of James Potter.

Opening the door, Carina paused, "Happy Birthday, James." Without turning around, she left James to himself.