A Beautiful, Terrible Love

Chapter 10

"I just want you to know that I will protect you," Dex said, his voice serious and full of caring. He didn't know, and I wasn't about to let him, how much that meant to me. I pretended not to care, to not be affected by his words. I tried to keep an expression that hid the turmoil beneath the facade. 

The unseen tears of happiness I was crying.

I remembered every word I spoke to him before I fainted. However, it was not something we needed to talk about. What I said was THERE. I wasn't taking back anything, or adding to my embarrassing words. I wanted Dex to be by my side so badly for so long, with every fiber of my being, and everything was finally alright. He was standing by me, comforting me.

I loved him.

But how do I know I won't be rejected? Hurt beyond belief? I was just like one of his fans. When I asked him to not leave me, he didn't reply, only stared at me. Maybe he just saw me for what I was, just a girl who can sing and will make him millions of dollars. Maybe he's just being polite, trying to connect a little with me so our songs will be better.

The uncertainty was ripping me apart, leaving almost nothing left.

But I couldn't worry about this. I had to bottle up my emotions and save it for a later date. Dex was an extremely good face reader, so I had to not feel any sadness, or he will find out the truth. Sooner or later, I would say the three words that would either doom me or bring me to eternal happiness. 

But why would Dex ever return my colossal feelings for me? He was a superstar, for one thing, with plenty of admirers and many beautiful ladies at his beck and call. He could always pick one of them for a one night stand. He had all the money he could ever want, also. He had popularity, faith in God, and a musical voice that amazed everyone.

He didn't completely know me either. We met about a month ago, for about three minutes, then after that we've been together for about eighteen hours. He didn't know anything about my obsession, my passions, or my heart. 

He also was a playboy. I must take account of his many escapades with beautiful women, the countless broken hearts, and the endless tears. He has had a wild life so far, and a wilder life to come.

He might not want me in it.

I meandered along the school corridors, previously told Mr. Locke I felt faint. I was milking this fainting thing for all it was worth. However, I was really just walking around, trying to come to a decision.

Would I tell Dex that I love him?

No, definitely not. I couldn't. I had to content myself with being his friend. Being friends was better than being strangers, right?

I know now how Peter felt, this awful torture, nervousness overtaking me at his presence, this feeling of absolute... shame. Like I was putting up a pretense, a desperate facade to hide him from the truth, the truth that could shut me out of Dex's inner circle forever.

I walked to the door of the classroom, imagining Dex, sitting in the middle of the cluster of desks. His radiance shining, the students amazed by his bright light, his presence undeniable. My unattainable love.  

I tried to rack my brains for anything that made him different from someone like Peter or another hot guy. Practically nothing, honestly, both guys with incredible features and special talents. But, strangely, no matter how accomplished Peter was, Dex always had that little "extra." That little bit, an indescribable "presence", was the thing that attracted girls like moths to the light. I didn't want to think anymore about Dex. He was depressing me too much.

I weakly opened the classroom door, all eyes suddenly flying to me. I felt like a spectacle, a monkey in a cage. I felt my nervousness returning, insecurity kicking in, and familiar pangs of sorrow felt in the pit of my stomach. Akemi and Ayako were fueling it, their identical smiles ripping through my gut, terror invoking.