A Beautiful, Terrible Love

Chapter 24

I woke to find myself lying on my bed, my hair mussed and greasy, still clothed in the outfit from the night before. The fan blew freezing air into my face, dancing along bare skin, reaching down to tickle my toes. The ceiling was scarred with scuff marks and cracks, a single bulb illuminating almost the entire room. Finally, the poster of Dex still stood, the light seemingly sucked into it, making the whole poster glow. It was vexing; with the way my eyes were tugged to it again and again. 

I sat up, my body leaning against the old, wooden headrest. I closed my eyes, trying to remember. What happened last night? Why could I only dream of nightmares?

My head hurt as all the memories came flooding back to me, each one inflicting more pain than the last. First, the date, full of annoying people that couldn't leave me alone. I could still remember their hands as they reached to grab me, to touch any part of me, to shove a pen and paper into my face. 

Peter, when I discovered he was an alcoholic. My heart ached as I recalled those beer-stained touches, those kisses full of unconfined passion. The man that looked like Peter but was really a monster still flashed within me, scarring me forever.

Then there was Dex. He was my knight in shining armor, the man who saved me from the stranger that attacked me. His kisses were memorable in a better way, filled with love and caring instead of raw lust. Unconsciously, they brought a smile to my face with even recollection, making me want to experience them again and again.

However, that cannot be so.

Also, coupled with that delight, a terror hung on the edge of that memory. All my good impressions of him, as a perfect man, no flaws to be found in his beautiful face and personality, were ruined. He was not perfect, my dream man really being... just a dream. He was just like everyone else in this world. 

Also, the fact that he had that kind of relationship with another woman was really annoying. No matter how drunk he was, he still... shouldn't have done that. If he didn't get drunk, none of it would have happened. It sounded like he regretted greatly his choice though. Emilie sounded really mean.

However, that was not what had made me so incredibly angry. Really, his reluctance to confide in me, only telling me AFTER I had found out, was what made my blood boil. It proved to me that he did not believe in true love. If he did, he would have told me the truth earlier, expecting love to pull us through. Trusting me to understand.

What made me turn him away was that he was expecting me to turn him away. It was almost as if he wanted me to reject him. He had no hope. And that, to me, was pitiful.

The bottom line was, our relationship was over. I told him to go away, and he left. Simple as that. 

I wasn't infuriated, really, at him anymore. I stewed over it last night, and came to the conclusion that although I was really irritated with his earlier choices, it didn't really affect my feelings. I still loved him. However, I was not going to chase after him, and I had a feeling he wouldn't either. I had nothing against him. It was just over.

I could live my life normally now. Well, kind of.

I was probably going to have to move to Hollywood, for the paparazzi was really annoying my neighbors. Every day, our phone rang off the hook, fan letters were delivered in sacks to my door, and people dogged us every day at our tiny house. My mom hid herself in the laundry room every day, where there was no windows, and made her candles in there. Sadie, on the other hand, was off every day with Jack, staying away from the fan-infested house for as long as she could. Mom asked about Sadie many times while she was out, but I had nothing to say. It was Mom's fault for not noticing the diamond engagement ring on Sadie's finger. And the neighbors, who moved here for peace and quiet? They probably were going to sue me if I didn't leave, and take the popularity with me.