wattpad ➳ l.h. [completed]

XLll : regrets

The sharpie that Ashton had used to draw butterflies on my scars had only faded slightly almost a week after he drew them. But it wasn't like I was trying to wash them off.

I think about all of the conversations that Ashton and I had over Wattpad over the last year.

It makes me doubt even meeting Luke.

He told me that the reason Luke found my fan fiction was because Ashton was reading it.

Everything leads back to Ashton.

In a certain sense, I want nothing more than to forget Luke, and run into Ashton's arms but I can't.

Every time I even think about going to Ashton, I want to run to Luke.

I want to be in Luke's touch, to feel his lip ring glide on my lips while we kiss, to feel him hovering above me, our chests breathing in time.

I want Ashton so bad, but I love Luke.

In the end, there is still a choice, one that I have to make.

Between the boy who I love, and the boy who is the reason I'm still alive.

Some would say that there is no choice.

I say that this is the hardest choice that I will ever have to make.

Between the boys who love me.

Between the boys who I will break to pieces.

I'll hurt one of them no matter what, and that’s not what I want.

I don’t want either of them to have broken hearts. I want them both to be happy.

They both deserve nothing but happiness.

I’ll give them anything but.

My self-conscious self always brings out the worst in these situations.

But I’ve never had to choose between two people I love before.

I would be like saying either Sebastian or Jordan.

I can’t choose between the two of them.

I love them both, just like I love Luke and Ashton.

I want everything to end up all right.

But with me, nothing ever does.

It was when that thought occurred that I knew that I couldn’t choose between the two of them.