wattpad ➳ l.h. [completed]

L : walk away

This will be the last chapter of Wattpad. :((

I finally figured out what was causing so much pain even after I had let go of the things and the people I loved so much. It was the words I had written, so long ago. It was those words that saved me from myself. It was the words that I used to love someone when they had no idea who I was.

I had so many regrets in that relationship that in some ways, I'm glad that it's over. But in more ways than not. I want nothing more than to be back in Luke's arms.

I regret letting him go, pushing him away. All I want is to kiss his lips once more before I let go of the best thing that ever happened to me.

I have to walk away before we both hurt each other beyond repair.

I was always beyond repair. It's Luke that I'm concerned about.

And Ashton.

I know that we only talked over texting, but every message that he sent me I could hear his voice saying each and every word to me. It was a knife in my heart. I could picture him in his room, head hidden beneath the sheets, water dripping from his eyes. I could picture him looking down at the scars on his wrist, and wishing that I could draw butterflies on his scars. Anything.

But I knew from the beginning that I was already so far gone that everything on my way was just going to be destroyed.

My eyes glance over the words written on the computer screen, one word typed after the next. Words about Luke. Words about Ashton. Words about love and hate. About never leaving. But I did just the opposite.

I promised Luke to love him.

And I left.

But I had to walk away. I was no good for him.

I start to laugh.

I keep using the same excuse over and over again.

'I'm no good for him.'

I wonder if there is any other reason that I left him.

I think and I think, but think of none.

My fingers hover the letters on my keyboard, my eyes set on my home screen.

AnnaBanana540.

I move one of my hands to the mouse, and click on the pull down tab, my mouse hovering over the settings tab.

I feel like I've already gone too far not to do this.

I could have turned it all around, but it's too late. If I didn't want this, and if I wanted Luke, I would have called him back as soon as I hung up.

I want him, so why didn't I call him back? Why didn't I call back until he answered? Until I could go on and on about how I could never go on without him?

Because I can. And I am right now.

It's not impossible to live without Luke, but it's damn near.

I want to call him right now. Apologize and cry. Beg for him to forgive me.

But I know I can't.

It's not how the story goes.

It's not how things go.

If I could travel in time, I wouldn't hesitate to never tell Luke that what we had needed to end. When he called, I would have told him I loved him with all my heart and that nothing could ever change that. No letters to Ashton, no fucking deal. Nothing.

But it's too late.

Some people say that it's never too late, but if you were me, I'm positive that in this case, it's way too late.