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XLlX : goodbye

How do you say goodbye.

It's one of the hardest things to do in my opinion.

But depending on how you say goodbye, it will either affect you greatly, or it will tear you apart.

I had already said goodbye to Luke, and obviously hadn't done it right since my heart is aching in all the wrong ways. I most definitely didn't want to say goodbye to Ashton.

But I knew that if I had said goodbye to Luke, then Ashton must go as well.

I just didn't know how to do so.

I could just stop talking to him, but I knew that he would never just give up on me.

He never gave up on me, even when he didn't know me. The butterflies that he promised, the words his lips spoke, they never gave up on me.

But I have to give up on him.

I know that I can't have it any other way. The pain that will come from me leaving Luke and then leaving Ashton will be unbearable. But there is one thing that will get me through it.

The thought that now I'm out of both of their lives, they'll be happy again. I know that I helped them. I helped them get rid of the deal, and now that's gone, they'll have nothing else in their way. They can be happy.

I was never meant to be happy.

I figured that out a long time ago.

It's okay though. With my certainty of me never being happy, my goal in life is to make others happy. And I plan to do nothing but that.

I'll be making Ashton and Luke happy by leaving.

Anna: Hi Ashy.

Ashton: Hey teddy bear. How you holding up?

I messaged him right after I finished my call with Luke. He knows everything. And now, I'm about to break him.

Anna: I'm okay

Ashton: You sure?

Anna: Ashton?

Ashton: Anna?

Anna: We can't do this anymore

Ashton: Can't do what

Anna: Whatever this is. I'll just end up hurting you and that's the last thing that I want to do.

Ashton: What do you mean? You want to stop talking

Anna: No. Yes. I'm so confused Ash.

Ashton: Just because you and Luke aren't dating anymore doesn't mean we can't be friends.

Anna: But I never wanted to just be friends with you Ash. You know how this will end up if we keep talking.

Ashton: It will end up like it was supposed to be. Me and you.

Anna: That's the problem. That can't happen. I can't dis Luke like that Ashy, I still love him.

Ashton: I know you do, but you both admitted that you two together wasn't healthy.

Anna: But I still want nothing more than to have him back

Ashton: You broke it off with him

Anna: For his sake. Not mine

Ashton: I don't see why we're talking about this. Get back together with him if that's what you want. It's not like my opinion matters anyways.

Anna: Ashton. You do matter. And so did Luke. I broke it off with Luke because I loved him. I broke it off with him because I did nothing but tear him apart. I was the problem. I don't want to hurt you either.

Ashton: You know that you could never hurt me Anna, that's what you want. You can control what you do.

Anna: But I can't. I feel like even though I'm trying to control my actions, I still end up hurting everyone I love. I just want everything to be okay.

Ashton: For once in your life Anna, why don't you just take care of yourself before others?

Anna: And that's what I'm going to do. But we can't talk anymore Ashton.

Ashton: Yes we can Anna, I can't stand losing you more than you can losing me and Luke.

Anna: I'll live

Ashton: Sure, you'll 'live' but you won't really be living. You be a walking zombie. Nothing will matter anymore. I want to matter to you Anna. I always have.

By this time I was crying. What I thought was going to be a simple pair of messages telling him that I don't want to hurt him and that we have to stop talking has turned into my second heartbreak within the week. I can't handle this anymore.

Anna: Ashton. I love you. I really do. But I can't do this.

Ashton: Yes you can. I'll show you that you can.

Anna: I love you Ashton.

Ashton: Please Anna, don't do this. You don't have to.

Anna: Yes I do. Goodbye Ashton.

Ashton: Anna, I promise you that you don't. We can work things out.

Ashton: I need you. Doesn't that count for something? Even if you say that you don't need me anymore I need you. Anna. I really do.

Ashton: I need you like a heart needs a beat. Like lungs need air.

Ashton: I love you Anna. Please don't leave me.

Anna: Goodbye Ashton

Ashton: Please.

Ashton: I love you.

I didn't think that it was possible to break myself past the point of breaking Ashton's heart into pieces along with Luke's. I broke two hearts and they both broke mine. I feel numb.

Goodbye Ashton. Is all I could say.

Goodbye Ashton. Are going to be the words that numb me forever.

Goodbye, isn't a word that I ever want to say again.

(A/N)

One chapter leftttttttt

Omg

Picture is Bailey and I.

(I'm actually way taller than her, I just bent down so she could take the picture ;))) )

Love you bailey :)))