wattpad ➳ l.h. [completed]

XLVll : I still do

Luke POV

A thousand miles away, a million worlds away, and I still can't get my mind off of Anna.

It's funny actually, how much I shouldn't miss her, how much I shouldn't care for her, how much I shouldn't love her. But you know what?

I still do.

Yet, I still know all too well the consequences that come from a broken heart, the denial, the breakdowns. But in a certain sense, it was all worth it.

Everything we went through was worth it and everything that comes will be worth it as well.

I can't convince myself otherwise, and I have no reason too.

I still know initially that I was the one to screw things up. It wasn't her fault.

She should have been Ashton's. I fucked up her life with the deal. She fucked up mine with letters.

We fucked up each other, but we both know that no matter what, we can't say that it wasn't worth it. She can't deny me, nor I her.

But that's the funny thing about love. I don't want us to be over. I'm still head over heels for Anna, and no matter how hard I try to stay mad at her for what she did, I wanted nothing more than to sit right next to her and hold her while she cried. To wipe her tears, to kiss her lips.

I don't particularly like airplanes.

No emotion ever leaves me in the air, I feel like all time is frozen and I'm left numb while travelling miles upon miles away from the best thing that ever happened to me. And all I want is to pick up my phone and call her.

But I've tried that. Punching in the numbers again and again, but never able to press talk.

Playing how our conversation would go in my head over and over again, but never able to actually carry it out.

Instead, I look on Wattpad.

I go to Anna's account, but when I find myself thinking about nothing but her. So I go to a different account, different accounts. I look and look and read and read, but find nothing like Anna's stories, and nothing like Anna herself.

My plane lands back home in Australia, but I want nothing more than to be back in New York.

I go to the pictures on my phone as I wait for my ride and flip through the photos of Anna, random ones that I took, ones I got from her Instagram, the ones that Jordan took and sent to me, and tears fill in my eyes.

But no matter how many times I try to blink them down, I can't.

I wonder what that means.

Does it mean that I don't miss her? Does it mean that I don't lover her enough to cry?