Messed Up || Chanlix

Chapter 19

Chan watched as Felix desperately tried to silence his sobs. Felix felt embarrassed letting his brother see him in such a weak state of mind. Chan stood up and held out his hand hoping Felix would take it. Felix looked up at his older brother with red puffy eyes. He scoffed before ignoring his brother and getting up on his own.

"Let's go talk outside so mom and dad won't hear us." Chan suggested. Chan walked out of the house with Felix following closely behind him. "Be right back!" He shouted before shutting the front door. Felix glared at Chan, his soft sobs barely audible.

"What happened? Why are you crying?" Chan questioned. Felix rolled his eyes in response. "As if you don't know! I'm crying because he left me. He left me because of you!" Felix shouted. Chan felt bad. He was never the type to interfere with people's relationships, especially since it wasn't his place to do so. Chan's first instinct was to comfort the boy, but he knew that that was the last thing Felix would want.

"Calm down for a second and breathe." Chan said in attempts of calming his brother down. Felix wanted to yell at him and say no, but he hated the fact that Chan was seeing him in this position, so he took his brother's advice and tried to calm his breathing.

After a few moments of silence, Chan spoke. "What exactly happened after I went upstairs?" Felix rolled his eyes at the stupid question. He didn't want to answer. Wasn't it obvious what happened? "Well at first he didn't believe you, and was actually going to forget about it before..." Felix felt himself get upset again. He quickly tried his best to shut down his feelings before continuing. He recollected himself and spoke once more, "We were going to continue having sex, but he saw the fucking hickies you left on me!" Felix shouted.

"O-oh..." Was all Chan could respond with. "He left me and it's your fucking fault!" Felix couldn't control his emotions at this point. He began to lash out and hit his brother with light slaps, the tears falling once more.

"Calm down! Stop!" Chan desperately called out. "No!" Felix said as he continued to hit Chan. Chan's patience began to run thin. "Why are you so upset about this anyway?! It's not like you actually loved him!" Chan shot back. Felix stopped at the sudden blow.

"Y-you don't know that!" Felix choked out. Chan rolled his eyes. "You have a funny way of showing love if that's the case. I mean come on Felix. If you loved him, you would have never cheated on him." Felix let the words sink in, desperately trying to process them. He knew deep down he didn't love Changbin the same way he did, but he still cared for him deeply.

Changbin was the only person there for Felix whenever he was in need. Felix kept Changbin around because he knew him, fucking him was just a bonus. Of course Felix had romantic feelings for Changbin at some point, but they quickly faded and he got bored. That's why the boy cheated so often on his boyfriend. He never wanted to lose that support, so he lied to Changbin constantly.

"T-that doesn't matter! He was the only person who loved and accepted me for who I am! He never judged me or spoke bad about me, not even once!" Chan felt guilt settle deep in his stomach upon hearing Felix's words. Chan couldn't say he had done the same. He did quite the opposite unfortunately.

"I-I'm sorry, Lixxie." Chan said. Felix scoffed once more and was about to walk back into the house before Chan grabbed hold of his small wrist. "I'm sorry I did that to you, but did you really expect me to be okay with you picking and choosing me whenever you'd like?" Chan's anger settled and turned into sadness. His heart began to race and his hands felt clammy. He wanted to confess his feelings, he needed to.

He didn't want to keep hiding them any longer. Felix looked up at Chan, the tears still falling. He wasn't sure how to answer his big brother's question. He didn't know what he wanted. He had craved Chan for years and wanted him desperately, however he did not want Changbin in the same way. There was something about Chan that drove Felix mad. He couldn't exactly figure out what those feelings were and what they meant.

"F-Felix..." Chan spoke softly, taking the boy's smaller hands into his own and dragging him to the side of the house, so they wouldn't be seen by anybody. Felix rested his back on the wall of the house, Chan standing in front of him. Chan bit his lip nervously and fumbled with the sleeve of his sweater. This was it.

"Felix... I love you." Chan blurted out. His face felt like it was on fire. His heart was beating so hard, he could hear it. Felix looked at his brother with an expression almost unreadable. His heart skipped a beat upon hearing those words he didn't know he needed to hear till now.

Changbin had told him the same thing many times, but for some reason it meant more from Chan. He felt his inner core bubble with emotion. The next second, Felix pulled Chan into a desperate kiss. His older brother kissed him back eagerly. Chan could taste the salt from the dried up tears on his Felix's.

The boys kissed as if their lives depended on it. They had kissed each other many times before, but this kiss was different. There was no lust involved. The kiss was full of nothing but passion and raw emotion.

The boys pulled back. Felix looked away quickly, trying to hide the deep blush on his face. His heart was racing, and it felt like sparks were going everywhere. Felix had never felt way with anybody he's ever been with. Was Felix also in love with Chan?

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howdy guys :) new chapter as promised. i hope you like it. i would also like to thank the people who left me sweet words on my last update. it made me feel much better 💕