Secret Heartbreaks

12

Kanina pa ako pagulong-gulong sa kama at hinihintay ang reply ni London. I asked for a copy of her list on how to avoid heartbreaks since I couldn't find mine. Hindi ko alam pero parehong nae-excite at kinakabahan ako para sa sarili dahil sa naamin.

"Finally! Naamin niya na rin," ani Mabel at kinuha ang baso at itinaas iyon. "Cheers to Gazella and her blooming love life."

They all took their glasses and waited for me to do the same. Even though I'm not really sure if this is necessary, I still took my glass and we all clinked them together as if we're celebrating something.

"Don't worry, gagawa ako ng paraan para lumayo na ang peste niyang ex," Marga assured. Ngayon lang siya sumali sa usapan at ngayong sinabi niya ito, napagtanto ko na baka may kung ano na siyang pinaplano. "Akong bahala sa'yo. Team Gazell is sailing!"

Because of that, we once again clinked our glasses. Nakikisakay lang ako sa trip nila kahit ang isipan ko ay kung saan-saan na pumupunta.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ba dapat akong umasta kung magkasama kami. Kahit pa iyong normal kong kilos ang gagawin ko, may parte na sa akin na maiilang at mag-iisip na baka nilalandi ko siya o ano. Alam ko rin na iyong mga kilos niya na wala namang ibang kahulugan ay bibigyan ko na ng malisya.

I was brought back from my reverie when my phone vibrated. I've been spending the time waiting for London's reply by replaying our dinner conversations earlier.

I read what she sent and saw that I wasn't able to follow one of the rules which also happens to be the most important one. Ngunit ngayong hindi ko na mababawi ang nasabi na gusto ko nga siya, susubukan ko na lang sundin ang iba pang nandito sa list at baka sakaling maiwasan ko pa ang heartbreak na iyan.

Buti naman at hindi naman kami masyadong nagkikita nitong mga nakaraang araw ni Martell. Kung magpapatuloy ito, baka mawala pa itong nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.

Buti nga ba? Hindi mo ba na-miss? Anang isang bahagi ng isipan ko.

Agad akong umiling at kinumbinsi ang sarili na hindi ko siya na-miss. Just because I like him doesn't mean I miss him! Kahit pa limang araw na ang nakalipas noong huli naming pagkikita, hindi ibig sabihin nun, miss ko na siya agad.

Huwag kang OA, Galaxy!

Nahiga na lang ako sa kama habang kinakabisado ang mga rules sa list ni London at pinag-iisipan ang dapat kong gawin at ikilos kung sakaling magkikita kami. Ito ang ginawa ko hanggang sa nakatulog ako.

The following day wasn't eventful. I spent the whole Saturday studying and doing my school works. I also filmed and edited a video for my YouTube channel and when I finished all my tasks, I continued knitting Martell's sweater.

It was hard to do so without thinking about him. I can't believe that I'm actually curious whether he has eaten or not!

My gosh! Alam ko namang may pagka-chismosa ako minsan pero hindi ko alam na pati kung nakakain na siya ay gusto ko ring malaman!

I figured it's impossible for me to stop thinking about him so I crossed another rule from London's list that I wrote on my notes this morning. Maybe for now, I can't get him off my mind. But I'm pretty sure that once I stop knitting his sweater, I'd also stop thinking about him.

Because of that thought, I decided to continue knitting some other time. I wanted to prove to myself that he'd actually leave my mind once I stop doing anything that has something to do with him.

I went to the fridge and took some yogurts. Another thing that I have to do is to divert my attention because in that way, if I'm busy with something else, I wouldn't have the time to even think about him and create some imaginary scenarios in my head which I've been actually doing in the past hours.