Secret Heartbreaks

39

My friends didn't stay long at Maldives. They went back to Italy for Sugar while I had to stay with Martell. Hindi naman kami nagtagal sa Maldives at umuwi rin kami pagkatapos ng isang linggong bakasyon na ayon sa mga kaibigan ko ay "honeymoon" daw dapat namin.

"Hey," Martell and I said in unison. We had a few moments of awkward stares before he let me inside his room.

My friends talked me into going to his suite. They didn't want me to spend my first day as a "married woman" with them. Anila na dapat ay magkasama kami ni Martell.

I mean... they do have a point. The only thing here is that what Martell and I have is an unconventional marriage. I'm not even sure if what's gonna happen next. We haven't talked about anything yet!

I mean... are we gonna live together? If so, where? Are we gonna tell our family about this? Are we gonna make this public? Do we have to act like a married couple everywhere we go? How am I supposed to treat him? Should I treat him as if our marriage isn't for convenience?

Damn! This is confusing and overwhelming!

"Uhh..." panimula ko. Hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula kaya parang ewan ako na nakatunganga sa kaniya. Nang mapagtanto na hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang sasabihin ay nagngiting aso na lang ako.

"I'm just gonna... uh... leave," I said, then pointing at the door while he was crossing his arms with an amused and expectant look. "I'll go list everything I'd like to ask and clarify but for now, my mind went blank so yeah... sorry for disturbing—"

I paused when he waved his hand dismissively. A smile formed on his lips and he shook his head while gesturing towards the bed. Ako naman, sandaling nataranta at nanlaki ang mga mata.

He probably noticed the panic in my eyes that his smile turned into a mischievous grin. May mapaglaro siyang tingin at mukhang nasasayahan pa sa nangyayari sa akin.

"We're not gonna do anything but sleep, if that's what you're worried," aniya, may bahid ng panunukso ang boses. Ako naman, mabilis na naglakad patungong kama at naunahan ko pa siya.

"You're not sleeping with your friends?" He asked while making himself comfortable on the bed. After fixing the comforter, he turned to my side while I was still sitting on the other side of the bed.

Mabilis akong umiling at saka yumuko. Dumadagundong na naman ang kalooban ko sa hindi malamang dahilan. Hindi ko alam kung paano ba dapat akong umasta at kung paano ko ba dapat siyang tratuhin. Should I act like a wife or should I just do whatever I want since this is just a marriage for convenience?

"Are we gonna act like a normal couple? Like sleep in the same bed? Kiss each other goodnight? Consummate our marriage? Live in the same roof—"

"You're panicking," aniya kaya natigil ako. Huli ko nang napagtanto iyon kaya huminga muna ako at tinahan ang sarili. "Come on here," aniya ulit at tinapik ang espasyo sa tabi niya.

Napakagat ako ng labi at dahan-dahang lumapit sa kaniya at saka nahiga. Tinuon ko ang buong pansin sa may kisame habang hinihintay na kumalma ang kalooban ko. Baka kasi kung humarap kaagad ako sa kaniya ay matulala lang ako.

When I felt my insides calming down, I faced him with a smile. His hand moved, making me flinch a bit. Pinakiramdaman ko lang siya at 'di nagtagal ay naramdaman ko ang comforter. Hindi iyon masyadong naayos at napabangon pa talaga si Martell.

I was just observing him the whole time with my pounding heartbeat. Mas nadagdagan pa iyon nang nagkalapit ang mga mukha namin at nagtama ang aming mga mata. Sandali siyang napalunok bago bumalik sa pagkakahiga.

"We'll talk tomorrow, don't overthink," he said, then messing with my hair with a smile and tucked the strands that were covering my face behind my ears.