Secret Heartbreaks

43

"Cheers to team Gazell!" Pasigaw na sabi ni Margarita sabay taas ng kaniyang baso na ikinahiyaw ng lahat. "Hindi lumubog ang ship ko!"

"Hindi lumubog ang ship ko!" Sabay-sabay na sagot nina Chloe, Oceanne, Martini, Gabriello, Milena, at ng iba pang mga pinsan ni Martell na natatandaan ko pa na noong nasa spa kami ni Chloe ay parang nang-e-espiya sila sa amin.

Napangiti ako nang matandaan ang memoryang iyon. Parang kahapon lang iyon at hindi ako makapaniwala na ganito kabilis ang daloy ng buhay. Isang araw ay umiiyak ako, pagkatapos naman ay sa isang iglap ay parang unti-unti kong napagtanto na hindi na ganoon kalala ang sitwasyon ko.

"It's nice to finally see your genuine smile again." Napatingin ako sa gilid nang makitang pumuwesto si London sa aking tabi habang patuloy na tumatagay ang iba naming mga kasamahan.

Kasalukuyan kaming nasa France at nagse-celebrate ng engagement daw namin ni Martell. Alam kong masaya sila para sa amin pero malakas din ang kutob ko na gusto lang talaga nila mag-inuman. Pero in fairness sa kanila, hindi na naman sila nagpatalo sa pagbigay ng mga regalo.

"Yeah, the moment when I realize that I'm smiling at my own will feels nice," pagsang-ayon ko sa kaibigan at saka sumandal sa kaniyang balikat.

May binulong si London ngunit hindi ko iyon nakuha dahil parang ayaw niya namang marinig ko iyon. Bago pa ako makapagtanong ay nagsalita ulit siya.

"You're glad that you didn't give up," she said in a tone that says she's sure of her statement. "I can see the relief that you chose to continue."

Hindi ko napigilang mapatango. She's right. I am relieved that I'm still here. I'm proud of myself that even after all those heartbreaks and sleepless nights; all those times I tried to mend my broken heart; the times when I kept all the pain secretly, they all brought me here. All of those were steps that eventually lead me here and I'm relieved that I am here.

I used to fantasize about that day when all is well again and I'm no longer chained to my past and now, that day I've been longing and secretly wishing for is my reality now. I am here in the day that I used to just fantasize about. I am now living the life I used to imagine about.

"I really am," buong-puso kong pagsang-ayon. Gusto ko pang dugtungan ang mga sinabi pero hindi sapat ang mga salita para maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. "I really am, London. Because if I gave up, then I won't be here... I wouldn't be able to receive this second chance given to me... to us..."

Umalis ako sa pagkakahilig sa kaniyang balikat at pinagmasdan siya. Malayo ang kaniyang tingin at parang natutulala pa.

"I'm happy for you," she said, then facing me with a smile yet her eyes looked like she's about to cry. "I'm sure Mama is happy for you as well. I think she'll be at peace now that you're happy."

At the mention of Mama, my eyes started to water. It would be better if Mama Celestina and Gemini are here to celebrate with us. It's such a shame that the two people who were with me at my darkest won't be able to see me finally free from the obscured chapter of my life.

"She won't be unless you can smile the way Galaxy does." Sabay kaming napatingin ni London sa likuran nang makita si Caramel. Kinindatan niya kami bago dali-daling umupo sa kabilang gilid ni London.

Hindi nagtagal ay nakisali rin sina Sugar at Vanilla sa amin. Ayaw malayo ng dalawa at gusto talaga na malapit sila sa aming tatlo kaya kumandong pa talaga sa amin.

"No, but really, London—"

"Nah," London cut Vanilla off, an amused smile playing on her lips, probably because of Vanilla's drunk-British accent that she gets after a few drinks. "She didn't witness me suffer but she did with Galaxy," London said with a shrug, then reaching for a bottle of beer from the table in front of us. Mukhang ayaw niyang pag-usapan ang topiko at tumayo na para makaalis.