Secret Heartbreaks

27

His voice, just like his eyes, changed too. It was an unfamiliar deep voice laced with resentment and anger. Sandali pang tumaas ang kaniyang kilay at animo'y diring-diri sa akin bago ako nilagpasan.

Hindi ko alam bakit pero parang naiiyak ako. Alam kong galit siya sa akin at alam kong ako ang may kasalanan dahil nasaktan ko siya noong umalis akong walang sabi pero hindi ko inasahan na magiging ganito ang pakikitungo niya sa akin. Hindi ko kailanman iyon naisip.

It's not that I'm expecting him to greet me with open arms but I guess... I haven't thought about this and I'm taken by surprise so now, I don't know how to act.

"Hello? Ikaw ang umalis, remember? Alangan namang halikan at yakapin ka niya," ani London sa kabilang linya. "I'm on your side, Galaxy, and you know that. But yeah... I guess even though you didn't expect anything, you just didn't expect that things will turn out this way... and that's okay..."

Imbes na mag-exercise, parang tutang ligaw akong umupo sa isang bench at saka nanlulumo na tinawagan ang kaibigan.

She's right. I didn't expect any kind of treatment from Martell because I knew that the moment I decided to leave without a word, I already lost him.

But now that I'm here... I saw him again and with this treatment from him, I still can't help but feel surprised and sad. I guess there's a part of me that's been hoping for us to be able to get along even though I'm also aware that it's selfish for me and unfair on his part to expect him to treat me nicely after what I did.

I guess even though I had my reasons, I still deserve this. This is the consequence of my decision. Oo, nasasaktan ako at parang bumalik ako sa nakaraan kung saan parang pinipiga ang puso ko sa sakit pero ito ang panindigan ko. Hindi ko ito babawiin. Mali ako at papanindigan ko ang ginawa ko at haharapin ko ito pero kahit ganoon, may parte sa akin na... umaasa...

Ang tanga-tanga lang... umalis kahit alam na wala nang babalikan pero umaasa pa rin... ang tanga lang...

"Heartbroken na nga tapos stupid pa..." bulong ko sa sarili sabay iling ngunit agad natandaan na mag-isa lang ako at walang magpapatahan sa akin. "Pero okay lang 'yan, Galaxy... ang importante ay maganda ka at may pangkain ka..."

Mahina akong natawa dahil sa naisip... parang baliw na ewan... hindi ko alam kung epekto ba ito o ano pero nitong mga nakaraang taon, naging gawain ko na na kausapin ang sarili para matigil ang mga kung ano-anong iniisip ko.

I know that talking to myself can be considered as me being out of my mind but then, it's my way out of these self-depreciating thoughts. I find talking to myself crazy and amusing and as a result, it makes me forget and shrug those thoughts off.

Sandali akong nag-isip-isip kung aalis ba ako o hindi. Ayaw ko mang umalis pero... nandito si Martell! Galit iyon sa akin at kahit ganoon, baka bumalik ako sa pagiging malandi at marupok! Hindi puwede iyon! Ayaw ko ring maging stalker at sumunod-sunod sa kaniya!

At kahit pa hindi ko siya susundan at gagawin ko lang ang gusto ko, hindi kalakihan ang isla at malaki ang posibilidad na magkikita't magkikita kami!

Iyon ang pinag-isipan ko hanggang sa nakabalik ako ng bungalow. I took a bath and changed into a floral maxi dress and went back to the shore.

Aside from the overwater bungalows, this resort I'm at also has a hotel but I'm glad that Sasha and Olivia booked me the one I'm staying at. There were also several restaurants lining up on the shore and since I don't want to stress over choosing which restaurant I'm gonna eat at, I chose the nearest one instead.

It wasn't like the usual tables and chairs kind of restaurant but rather the one where the diners are sitting on the floor. Though we're on the beach front, the ambience of the place and the interiors made it look like a cavern. The furnitures were of wood and the lights are dimmed. The whole place gave off a bohemian vibe.