Secret Heartbreaks

37

Tinalikuran ko si Martell at naglakad palayo. May parang kagubatan sa likuran ng hotel at doon ako tumungo. Madilim na at nakakatakot pero mas nangingibabaw ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Gusto ko munang mapag-isa at ng kaunting katahimikan. Nakakabaliw itong boses sa isipan ko.

The sudden swoosh of the cool wind gave me chills. The rustling of the leaves and with only the sounds of the birds with a few hints of the people on the shore made it seem like I'm in a horror movie.

If I'm in a normal state, I'd probably be scared right now and run back to the shore where there's light and people. But now, nothing seems to be scarier than the thought of forever being in this misery.

I know it's my fault. I have no courage to tell him so now I'm suffering more than I think I should be. Living a life away from him wasn't that easy but the hurting isn't as much as I'm experiencing right.

I may be longing for him and my heart aches at the thought of him being with someone else but I have a reason for not telling him. Aside from my cowardice, I wasn't with him. I could tell myself that it's understandable because I'm away from him. But now, he's here. I had plenty of opportunities to tell him but I didn't. My mind remained steadfast on my decision about not telling him.

I went deeper into the forest, can't helping but feel a strange pull to traverse through the forest with a small hope that whatever mystery lies within it will give me some courage and clarity.

I continued to wander around, stopping to admire some wild flowers from time to time. The light from the gloomy sky that passed through the leaves of the towering trees was my only source of light. When I realized that it's getting darker and darker, I decided to go back. The only problem here is that I think I'm lost.

I bit my lips, suddenly feeling anxious that I might stay lost here and by the time my friends would realize that I'm missing, I'm already all-bones and lifeless.

I stepped on a branch which caused a cracking sound that literally made me jump. I'm not sure whether I should feel like this fairy in her natural habitat and start humming as if I'm in some kind of Disney movie as I grace through the uneven grounds with knobby roots underfoot, or let the fear in to my system to give myself some urgency to find my way out.

I continued in trying to find my way out but I don't think I'm making some progress. So instead of draining all my energy, I decided to just sit on the rough tree bark I found and leaned on the trunk of the tree.

I felt myself dozing off until I heard a cracking sound as if someone stepped on a branch. I immediately got up and took a twig and used it as a defense. I looked around and made no noise until I bumped into a hard object behind me and I let out a shriek.

I felt something on my waist and I tried to wiggle myself out of whatever this is when a soothing voice filled my ears.

"Hey, it's me..."

I let out a sigh and checked who's behind me and saw Martell. I felt the heavy feeling leave my chest and before I knew it, I was hugging him out of relief.

Hinihingal at nahahapo akong sumandal sa kaniya at napapikit ng mata. Grabeng kaba ang naramdaman ko bago-bago lang at hindi ko maipaliwanag kung gaano kaginhawa ang pakiramdam ko ngayon.

Kinalas ko ang yakap ngunit mabilis niyang ipinalibot ang kaniyang mga braso sa aking baywang at mas inilapit ako sa kaniya. Dumadagundong ang kalooban ko at ayaw kong maramdaman niya iyon ngunit tuwing mas sinusubukan kong makalayo ay mas hinihigpitan niya naman ang kaniyang yakap.

Matagal kaming nanatili sa ganoong posisyon at kahit kami ay nakatayo sa gitna ng madilim na kagubatan na 'to, nakaramdam ako ng kapayapaan. Kasabay ng pag-ihip ng hangin na parang hinehele ako ay hindi ko maiwasang piliin na kalimutan muna ang mga nangyari.