Unsaid Love (JATP fanfiction)

• Chapter X •

Juilliard University, NY, 2021

Fiona's POV:

I miss you. The old you. The new one sucks. It was naïve to think that he was really serious. How could I be so blind and suppress my warning signals that are usually there all the time? And that's exactly what I got from it now.

Everyday life seemed so easy and the start of university couldn't have gone better. Of course, this feeling can't last long. How should I rehearse for my audition now?

Since the evening when we rehearsed at his house - well, it didn't turn out that much - I have skillfully ignored him. I've blocked his messages and fortunately I haven't run into him at university.

It hurts me when I think back to how I left without explaining myself to his parents and especially to Mila. They are just wonderful. Nevertheless, I just had to get out. I was totally overwhelmed, I didn't know how to react. What's the point, why did he achieve his 'goal' as soon as Jess came crawling along?

I decided to concentrate fully on the audition. It would be the perfect way to take my mind off all this and make a fresh start.

Fortunately, Julie and Melanie are not doing too badly as Romeo. I have to admit at home it also didn't work out too worse. I could totally empathise with the scene. But how the whole thing goes in front of the judges is the other question. I will be nervous and hope it works out as well as at home.

"Fiona, can we talk for a minute please?"

Behind me comes the voice I had hoped not to hear for some time. I take a deep breath and after a few seconds finally manage to turn towards him.

"Forget it, not now. I'm about to have my audition and
I'm not going to let you ruin it for me, get it?"

"I understand... but please let me explain the whole situation afterwards".

"We'll see Jake, I can't promise you if I'll have the patience"

And with that sentence I turn around again and make my way to the audition. I take a detour to the toilet to wash away the conversation I just had and my thoughts. After two splashes of cold water against my face, I feel relieved again. All the more reason for me to prove to him that he can't spoil it for me too.

Well, this self-confidence was quickly gone again when I stood in front of the classroom. The atmosphere was tense and I could feel the tension of the other participants.

My solution would be to simply turn around and avoid the situation, but if Melanie has taught me anything over the years of our friendship, it is that I have to ignore my self-doubt in such a situation. Nevertheless, they are always present in my mind.

What if I forget everything?

What if I make a mistake?

Or what if I make a fool of myself?

It's clear that you only drive yourself even more crazy with these thoughts, which are not useful in such a moment. Nevertheless, they are there. They fill my head to the brim and I can't do anything about it. Sure, I can tell myself that everything will be all right, that I should calm down.  But inside I know exactly that deep down I see it quite differently.

But before I can think any further, I hear my name coming from the room. "Fiona Mercer, it's your chance."

Actually, this is good because I am now facing the situation. Nevertheless, my nervousness does not increase - rather the opposite.