Infatuated (hsau)

chapter 70.

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I'll be gone too long from you
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Harlow Dean

I think this has been the best morning of my life.

I never even told Harry it was my birthday and somehow he still managed to go all out. This I was so unexpected and really unnecessary, but the guitar ring, the flowers and the fucking daydream believer vinyl almost made me cry with happiness.

Never in my life have I felt so appreciated by someone, it was a different type of happiness.

It was all so thoughtful and I genuinely didn't expect it at all. I mean last night he was so drunk that I didn't even think he'd make it out of bed alive this morning, but he did. He made it out of bed and decided to make me fall in love with him even more.

I'm gonna tell him today, I have to.

After the most amazing half hour of my life I dragged myself into the shower, got changed into a casual dress and put one of those scarf things in my hair because Harry said it'll make me look like a hippy and apparently I'm his modern day hippy...which is the cutest shit ever.

Harry made breakfast too, well he tried to make breakfast.

He burned our toast and cut his finger whilst cutting a banana so I ended up taking over, but it was the it's that counts.

He was actually getting really into it, told me that he thinks he was a chef in his previous life and that he wanted to apply to go on master chef as a kid. That's probably why he was so disheartened after burning the toast...that and the fact he thought he ruined my birthday which is far from the truth.

The funny thing is, Harry is the only person I've let cook for me I'm three years. Not even my mother was allowed to do that, I always had to be in control of everything because I was sick, however opening up to Harry and him being so subconsciously helpful has done a lot more than he thinks it has.

I'm so grateful he came into my life, so grateful my mother sent him to 'keep an eye on me' because despite the fact I lost her, I gained somebody who I believe cares about me all the same.

Recently I've been trying not to be so negative, so yeah losing my mother was absolutely fucking awful, but I met Harry and now I'm the happiest I have been in forever.

After we had breakfast Harry stuck his guitar in the back of his car and then we drove off to the graveyard because I need to pay my mum that typical birthday visit. I didn't apply makeup, because the chances of tears are very likely since this is my first birthday without her.

I asked Harry to come to her actual grave with me because even though they've already met and talked, I've never taken a guy to my mother that she's actually liked and it would be nice to do that with Harry. Even though I'm not really taking a guy to her in the way I have before, it still means the same, she just isn't physically here.

When we got there I was hit with that same melancholy greeting that the gates to the graveyard seem to give the second you step out of the car. I don't think it'll ever go away, but you just learn to deal with it and I'd say I've done a good job of learning to deal with it so far.

Through trial and error of course.

Harry held my hand the second he was close enough and then pushed the gates open for me, squeezing my hand reassuringly. The sun shining over all the gravestones will always be a pretty sight, this is definitely one of the prettiest places I've ever seen and I just wish it didn't have to have such sad connotations.

Hand in hand, I led him down the path until we finally reached my mothers grave, right in the bottom corner, only just reaching the sunlight. Harry was the first person to crouch down and the fall back to sit cross legged, then he patted the ground next to him inviting me to do the same, so I did.