Infatuated (hsau)

chapter 22.

°°
and I'll be okay
Admiring from afar
Cause even when she's next to me
We could not be more far apart
Cause she tastes like birthday cake, and storytime, and fall
But to her I taste of nothing at all
°°

Harry Styles

10AM? Is that all?

Nine hours ago Harlow told me to go away, so I did. I called a taxi, I came home and I tried to sleep. But I couldn't. My mind kept wandering back to the way her lips felt, the way she quietly panted into my mouth when I dug my hands into her hips and the way she smiled at me like we were the only two people in the world.

I've kissed a lot of people but I've never experienced one like that.

I called her beautiful. I actually spoke those words to her instead of keeping them to myself but at that moment I couldn't help it. I had no control over what was coming out of my mouth, she had me under a spell.

Maybe that's what sent her into panic mode, maybe I shouldn't have said it. I meant it though, I spoke no word of a lie despite the alcohol flowing through my veins which only gave me the confidence to do so.

One minute her lips were on mine, our tongues were intertwined and she was gently tugging on the roots of my hair, the next she was having some sort of breakdown.

I've not seen her so panicked and worried, she's always quite put together and she always acts quite content. Not last night though, something switched inside of her and sent her off down some spiral.

I felt guilty because what if it's my fault? What if I shouldn't have kissed her?

I wanted to stay and make things right, apologise for what I did wrong but she told me to leave, so I did.

Thinking of it now I shouldn't have left her in the state she was in, I know how it feels when something blows out the fire within you and leaves you feeling distraught. It doesn't feel nice and maybe I should've told her I understood to a certain extent. Maybe I should've told her that she didn't have to hide from me like she was because I don't go throwing the word beautiful out there like it's nothing.

I keep wondering how she got home, if she even did go home. She couldn't have driven home, Harlows a sensible woman and I know she wouldn't have risked driving under the influence. She might have gotten a taxi or her friend behind the bar might have given her a ride, but then she'd have to explain why she was leaving so early or explain why she looked as panicked as she did.

I hope she did go home some way or another and slept through that cruel spell of uneasiness that suddenly took over her. She works a lot, I've noticed that and it can't be good to spend all day and night at work. All she drinks is black coffee, that can't be healthy either.

I mean if she needs to feel awake then maybe she should just rest, put the work on pause for a second and prioritise herself for once, because I'm starting to build a very clear picture here.

'You realise people are fucked up when you're fucked up yourself'

I didn't think much of it at the time but I wish I asked if she was okay.

There's only one girl I've ever cared about in my whole life, and if I could turn back time to see her again that's exactly what I'd do. I'd ask her if she was okay, I'd sit and listen to whatever she needed to get off her chest so that maybe I never would have had to close the chapter she belonged in.

As much as I dread to admit it, for some reason I care about Harlow. I'm not making the same mistakes.

I want to see if she's okay, I need to see if she's okay. Why I care so much I don't know but the way she made me feel like I could relax, like I could drink and have fun like I was just Harry, not the guy who's in charge of the Pythons.