Infatuated (hsau)

chapter 38.

°°
This world is cruel & most unkind
And horrible is redefined
I can't imagine that you'd mind at all

You're lying again
You're conscious ain't your friend
& The only thing you're sobbing out is your imagination
°°

Harry Styles

I'm worried about Harlow.

I didn't know it was her mother's birthday and I don't think she's dealing with it very well. She didn't talk the whole journey from her grave to my house and when I was saying goodbye it looked like she was about to burst into tears.

Seeing her upset like that over her mother gives me this sick feeling in my stomach and I never knew it would when I got myself into this mess. I always thought I'd be fine and I'd be able to cope with the consequences of my actions but it's driving me fucking insane.

I spoke to Liam and he told me I should tell her. I know I should tell her but it's just finding the right time that's the problem.

Another thing Liam and his new girlfriend who clearly likes to get involved with by business told me is that I have feelings for Harlow. I'd love to say it's true but I don't know if it is. I don't think I've ever had feelings for a girl so how am I supposed to know?  The thing is, if whatever I feel towards her is 'feelings' then I'm absolutely fucked for many reasons.

The first reason being that there's so much she doesn't know, so much lies I told her to protect her from the truth. There's I have to certain people she'll never understand and that could ruin everything that could ever happen between us. I doubt she'd forgive me if she knew the real reason for the deal.

The second reason is that this started as a fake relationship and differentiating between the truth and the lie is far too difficult. Everything going in between us right now has been built on lies.

She called me earlier and asked me to go to her club tonight and asked me if I'd help Demi, whoever Demi is. Of course I agreed, I think the girl could ask me to sell my organs on the black market and I would.

Now I'm walking into her busy club alone, trying to figure out which one is Demi. She never told me that part, now I've just got to walk around asking and hope for the best.

"Harry!" Exclaims a female voice from behind me and when I turn around I'm met with the sight of a small girl standing in the same uniform as the rest of the bar staff. "Where's Harlow?"

Maybe she's Demi?

"Are you Demi?" I ask her, then looking down at her name badge which has the name Demi written in capitals.

Great.

"She's not coming, it's her mum's birthday." I tell her in the hopes she already knows about Harlow's mother.

With that worried look in her face, Demi's hand clutches her chest as she begins to speak, "Of course, god I forgot. How is she?"

I'm glad Harlow has people that care about her and I'm guessing most of the people that work here do. I've seen the way they talk to each other and it looks like one big family from an outsiders point of view. Harlow is like the mother of this club, the proud parent who does nothing but help you succeed and I'm just glad she has people who are there for her.

She has me. She probably doesn't know it but she does.

She has me in a lot of ways...

"She's alright, what you'd expect her to be like." I tell her, "Is there anything I can do? She told me to help you."