TW// mention of drug use.
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Maybe we'll cry whilst hopeful
When we think about the past being cruel
Got a thought for those who start to think of love
As the pursuit of a fool
It's a palace from ruin
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Harlow Dean
Harry is a fucking psychic I swear.
How he manages to keep pulling pieces of the truth from me like it's nothing I don't know. First it was the 'wanting to be found' thing and now it's the feed of intimacy. What's next, he predicts the day I die?
Because if that's the case, make it soon.
The past few hours have been hectic. I fell asleep on the couch in my office, by the time I got over my breakdown I was exhausted. My cheeks were stained with tears and I was far too embarrassed to book a taxi home or ask Demi for a ride. I slept for at least six hours which is record breaking time for me and then I drove myself home to shower and feed Willow.
Now I'm here in sweatpants and a hoodie at least twelve sizes too big because I wasn't expecting anyone. Until Harry rocked up in a scarily similar outfit with coffee and a vegan bagel.
Twice in a row he's showed up with a coffee for me, twice too many. He's just doing it because he feels he has to and he shouldn't. I have my own coffee and I'd rather he did things because he wanted to, not because he feels bad for me.
"Is it true?" He asks, snapping me back to reality, reminding me I've been zoned out for the past few minutes.
He knows it's fucking true.
"Yup," I say, taking a sip from the coffee he brought.
He looked at me disheartened as our eyes met, his thumb pulled on the bottom of his lip like he was thinking. I hate the silence consuming the room right now because I knew I shouldn't have admitted it.
It's so pathetic. Imagine being afraid of intimacy, something that should usually be beautiful. It's so embarrassing and now he's gonna think I'm some fucked up freak.
He wouldn't be too wrong, but that doesn't mean I don't want him to think that of me.
"That's really sad birdy." He finally says through a sigh.
"Yeah, welcome to my life." I respond with a slight smile.
That's enough opening up for one day. If that's all he wanted then he can go now. I'm grateful for the coffee and the bagel, I'm grateful for him offering to forget about my breakdown but I'm sure that's all he wanted, he can go now.
I like it when I'm all dressed up and confident, not when I'm slightly hungover with the biggest bags under my eyes. This isn't someone I want to be in front of Harry but at this moment in time, I don't want to be anyone in front of him.
Last night still haunts me. I can't believe I let my own fucked sick head ruin things for me and leave me with this heavy weight of second hand embarrassment to carry around.
"I used to do heroin." Harry says unexpectedly, holding eye contact as he spoke.
What?
YOU ARE READING
Infatuated (hsau)
Fanfiction//MATURE THEMES AND EXPLICIT CONTENT// "Make sure she's okay when I'm gone will you Harry?" It was from that moment I knew I'd do anything I could to protect her, anything. It wasn't just her I owe it to, it's myself. My one shot at redemption.
