Paint the Town Red

That's What She Said!

Peter, texting Matt: Matt! Help I'm being kidnapped

Matt: Where are you?

Peter: I'm with some strange person. In a car. Help.

Matt: I'll call Wade.

Wade, answering his phone: Triple-Double-U speaking?

Matt: Where's Peter? He texted me that he was being kidnapped!

Wade: Peter? What do you mean, he's right next to me-

Wade:

Wade: I'll call you back. *hangs up*

Wade: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN'T THAT BAD!

Peter: WHO ARE YOU?!

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Karen: Matt and I are having a baby.

Peter: That's gre-

Karen, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

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Peter: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?

Wade: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-a## house.

Matt: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Wade: Good thinking.

Frank: THE ANSWER IS SUPPOSED TO BE NO!

Claire: See, this is why vigilantes end up in dumpsters.

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Store Worker: Would a Mr. Kaine Parker please come to the front desk?

Kaine, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

*Store Worker points to Peter and Ben*

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Peter and Ben, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Kaine: I didn't even bring you guys here with me-

Aracely, popping up from the bottom of the shopping cart: We followed you.

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Kaine: All right, here's the plan.

Kaine: After we knock out the HYDRA goons, get in the car, and I'll drive.

Wade: Why can't one of us drive?

Kaine:

Kaine: Are you seriously asking that question?

Wade: Yes.

Kaine: Peter doesn't have his license yet.

Kaine: Matt is f###### blind

Matt: I'm feeling attacked

Wade: I'm legally capable of driving, though.

Kaine:

Kaine: WHO in their right mind would trust you with a car ???

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Peter: On a scale from "damn Daniel" to "fre sha vaca do", how are you feeling?

Angel: In between "it's an avocado, thanks" and "how did you defeat Captain America", but as a solid answer I would say "I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger". How about you, Felicia?

Felicia: Probably "road work ahead".

Phil: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

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Peter: I think Angel was right.

Felicia: I'm surprised she hasn't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Phil: She wouldn't do that.

Angel: You're right, Phil. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Angel: *turns around, the shirt she's wearing says 'Angel Told You So' on the back*

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Kaine: I'm gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.

Aracely: Only if you also don't ask why.

Aracely: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.

Kaine:

Aracely:

Kaine: This one is fine.

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Johnny: Sue, can I talk to you for a second?

Sue: Yeah, what's up? Lemme guess. You and Peter are having problems and you want to learn how to kiss him?

Johnny: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss.

Sue: So-

Johnny: The problem is getting Peter to kiss me.