When Fantasy Became Reality | BTS

Chapter 32

He was unexpected
I truly did not expect him
or his effect on me,
my heart,
my mind,
my feelings.
He was the calming sound
of the light, pitter-patter of drizzle
on an April Sunday morning
in my brutal, destructive hurricane.

-(s.g.)
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Taraa's POV

I was lying in my bed and it looked like sleep was miles away from me. My mind was a mess, a hoard of thoughts running through it constantly.

Did Jungkook realise that I was trying to escape from the situation we were in? Did he found it rude? But I tried my best not to be very specific. Will he start avoiding me now? Earlier, he seemed a bit...nevermind. Ugh!!

I started thrashed my legs on the bed in frustration and finally got up, knowing that I wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. I decided to go and sit in the balcony, since the moon always calms me down somehow.

I exited my room and crossing the living room, reached the balcony. But it seemed that it was already occupied by someone.

"Oppa? What are you doing?" I asked.

"Ah, Taraa! Just...couldn't sleep." Namjoon replied. He smiled slightly, making his dimples look more beautiful in the moonlight. I moved forward and sat on the wooden swing beside him.

"Can you control your thoughts?" he suddenly asked, in a quiet voice.

"If I could, then I wouldn't be sitting here right now." I replied, making him chuckle.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, knowing that there was only a slight chance that he would tell me.

"These days...my mind wanders too much to thoughts...meaningless thoughts." he actually answered, surprising me. I waited for him to continue.

"I feel demotivated. Like I am not able to make good music. Then I think whether I am really suitable as a leader or not." he continued, and I could feel the self-doubt in his voice.

We both were silent for a while, his eyes fixated on the ground.

"Oppa, do you know that you are very lucky?" I asked, making him look at me.

"Y-Yeah. Yes, I mean I am lucky that I have such precious bandmates and ARMYs with me."

"Should I tell you something?" I asked and perked my eyebrows, seeking his answer.

"Sure." he replied.

"Earlier, I loved doing painting. When I picked up the brush and when I saw colours around me, a euphoric feeling used to take over me. In that moment, I felt so happy as if nothing in this world could sadden me. I dreamed to be a painter."

"Why, then...?" Namjoon trailed off.

"Pressure...from my family. They wanted me to focus on studies and do a real job. Like my brother. And that's what I did. After that what happened? One day, I picked up the brush and I felt...blank. Empty. I didn't have any ideas nor the desire to paint. It has been 4 years till now and I haven't been able to paint a single picture. I no longer have that passion that I used to have back then in my school days." I recalled the disheartening memory.