𝑁𝑒𝑤 𝐻𝑜𝑝𝑒 {𝐻𝑎𝑛𝑗𝑖 𝑍𝑜𝑒 𝑥 𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟}

11. Forever

"𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍" -Albert Camus

<Hanji's POV>

After Y/N woke up and we both agreed that we needed to talk she asked about the specifics of what happened during Eren's fight with the female titan. I explained that we arrived in time to see the female titan eating Y/N, of course, though I didn't tell her about the gut-wrenching feeling that I had at the sight of it.

I could tell that she was disappointed in herself for allowing the female titan to not only capture Eren but also capture her as well.

Well, I'm not entirely sure that it was a look of disappointment that I saw on her face. More like a mix between that and anger. It was hard to decipher since I've never really seen any real emotion on her face, I'm not really sure you could even call the look on her face an emotion at all.

We rode through the city to get back to the facility and the crowd was filled with so many mixed emotions. Some full of despair at the loss of their family, others in anger at our failure, and there were even some who congratulated us on our return. The people have always seen the scouts through many eyes.

I could tell that the noises and commotion were annoying Y/N, she never was one for celebration, and I really just wanted to get back to the facility, and not only record my findings but also have my overdue talk with Y/N about what the hell is going on with the two of us. She said she had a lot to say and to be honest so do I.

I don't want this to be a fight between the two of us but I also don't want Y/N to simply continue running from me.

We continued to ride through the town and the crowds of people holding us up were causing some delay. Y/N continued to sit next to me in the cart in silence. She scanned the crowd and I couldn't tell what she was thinking until she opened her mouth to tell me.

"You know we used to have days like this, back in Shiganshina. Scouts would return from their missions battered and bruised. In lesser numbers than when they had first departed. You could see the despair on their faces, and yet the crowd cheered and smiled. When I first settled in Shiganshina and saw the soldiers return for the first time I wondered why the crowd was even applauding. Families fell to their knees and wept with grief and yet they still cheered. That always did perplex me." Y/N explained to me. To be honest I didn't know how to respond.

The first time I ever came back from a mission I couldn't help but wonder the same. I had lost so many of my comrades... of my friends and known of those people knew anything about the horrors that they endured just to keep them safe even if in the end their sacrifices were futile.

Short Time Skip

We arrived at the facility and all horses were taken back to the stable shortly after. Moblit left to fill out the necessary reports from the mission for me, he's always known how much I hate all that paperwork. Y/N and I continued inside alone and headed to my room.

Even though this is a discussion I've waited for, for a long while I still can't help but feel nervous. Suddenly all the things I had prepared to say were lost to memory.

We stepped inside my room and Y/N and I took seats on opposite sides of my bed. My mind is going a mile a minute and yet she doesn't seem nervous in the slightest. Her shoulders are relaxed and even though my body refuses to make eye contact with her I can tell she's staring at me.