Something Is Missing | Ronnie Radke

Chapter 1- Miserable

"You did amazing out there, tonight," Dierks Bentley said as he popped his head into my dressing room. "You're going to be such a great addition to the tour."

I turned back and smiled at him. "Thank you, Dierks. I really appreciate that. I'm glad that you came tonight," I told him. "I really appreciate it. I can't wait for the tour."

He smiled back at me. "Good. You better, because you're gonna love it! The first show is always the most exciting, but the rest. Ah it will be so damn fun. And each city is so different. Man oh man! You're gonna love it," he shot back. "I gotta head out now. I'm glad I was able to be here for your performance tonight!"

I giggled. "Thank you! I'll see you, soon," I told him.

"I'll meet you in the studio on Monday," he replied. "I'm interested in that new song you mentioned."

I smiled. "Alright. Thank you again," I said. "Have a good night."

"You too, Jen!"

I let out a sigh as I leaned back into my chair. It was very exciting to hear that he loved my music, and I couldn't wait to get on tour. Maybe it'd give me something to throw myself into... More of a distraction from Ronnie.

One month was all it had been since we broke up, but it felt like an eternity. Anything and everything I did somehow always made me think of him. Grocery shopping? Ronnie. See the color black? Ronnie. See a tattoo? Ronnie. A can of Coke? Ronnie.

On top of that, there was a guy on Dierks' team named Ron. Just hearing his name was going to be the death of me.

I let out a long sigh as I tried to get Ronnie out of my head. They said it got easier as time went on, and while I should've been mad at him still, I couldn't help but want him. I longed for his touch and comforting words after a bad day.

My eyes fell shut as a picture of one of our good nights danced in my memory.

"Hey," Ronnie's soft voice said in my ear. He was holding me close, his heat making me want to move in closer. "It's gonna be okay."

I kept my arms wrapped tightly around him as my head rested on his chest. The gentle beating of his heart was the only thing keeping me completely calm.

"H-How do you know?" I questioned. I couldn't bring myself to look up toward him. My head stayed flat on his chest as I clung to him.

"We all have down days, babe," he said. He held me tighter as I shook my head. It was another rough day. While I understood that he couldn't make it to my gig, it hurt because no one showed up. The talent agent also said that this was what more of my gigs would be like if I didn't change my looks.

Tears began to pull from my eyes as I turned my face into his chest. I felt beyond weak, and I didn't want him to notice. Of course he did, he knew how to read me.

"Babe," he said. His hand ran up and down my back as I began to shake. "You're going to be okay. Tonight just wasn't a good night. I promise I'll come to the next one. All the guys will, too."

I shook my head. "This is stupid. Why'd I think I could make a career out of music?" I continued to cry. "This is so stupid."

"No," Ronnie's bold voice said. His chest vibrated under my head as his voice got deeper. "You've just gotta give it time. It doesn't happen overnight. It's not stupid, it just takes time. It's a process."

"It feels like it's been too long," I mumbled.

"That's just the Jack talking," he whispered, knowing that I had a few drinks after my show. "Why don't we get up to bed? Unlimited snuggles."

I pulled away slightly and nodded. My eyes must've been beyond red. "Okay."

A tear pulled from my eye as I shook my head and stood from my chair— holy shit did I miss him.

Once I grabbed all my stuff, I made my way out, ready to just go home. Normally I'd stay and have a few, but tonight wasn't one of those nights.

All I wanted to do was get home, crawl in bed, and attempt to dream about anything other than Ronnie.

As I shuffled out the back of the bar and to the alley way, I bumped into someone. I froze as I looked up at who it was— Derek.

"Derek?" I asked with wide eyes. "What are you doing here?" I was shocked considering he didn't like country... and well, he didn't live anywhere near Nashville... Or Tennessee.

"I came to see how you were. I was in town for my cousin's wedding," he replied. His hands moved up to my shoulders.

I gave him a small, sad smile. This wasn't what I needed. "I'm doing alright. I'm actually headed home right now."

He tilted his head, giving me a curious look. "You did great out there tonight," he told me. "I think you're going to end up doing so well."

I smiled, this time a real smile. "Thank you, Derek," I said. "I really appreciate it." I let out a loud yawn.

"Alright, I can tell you're tired. You should get all the sleep while you still can. The first few weeks on tour will be the worst," he replied with a small shrug and a chuckle.

I rolled my eyes. "We don't tour for another year," I told him. "Plus, I'm still finishing my album."

"That's great for you. We all look forward to hearing them," he informed. "I'll let you go. You've got my number if you wanna talk."

I raised a brow, but nodded and gave him a quick hug. "Thank you. Bye Derek."

As I began walking away, I let out a sigh or relief. He hadn't mentioned Ronnie. Thank god... Although, I did want to know how he was.

"Hey Jen," he called. I turned around to see him standing in the same place I left him. After I didn't answer, he spoke up again.

"He's just as miserable as you are."