Is it really worth it?

"Bambina please please, please wake up I need you."

Carina held Maya's warm hand. Her hands were one of the only things not covered by the hospital blanket. She stroked the palms of Maya's hands, hoping for some kind of reaction. It has been 5 weeks 12 hours and 43 minutes since the accident and up until now, there has never been a response. She has caressed her hair, she has spoken to her, she has laid next to her for 2 days straight, but everything she tried everything anyone did, didn't help. There was no reaction. It seemed like everyone lost hope. Mason came fewer times a week and Andy only passed by when she was at the hospital anyway. Even Maya's mom came to visit twice. But everyone seemed to have no faith anymore. They acted like she was already dead. It infuriated Carina, of course, it did. To her, she was the only one expecting her to live.

Now, like so many other days, she sat next to the hospital bed hoping for the best. Nothing big, no, maybe just a slight twitch in her eyebrows or a head tilt. Just something to know she hadn't lost hope in waking up herself. Yet there was nothing to be seen. No movements. Carina's eyes filled with tears again like they have so many times, it seemed impossible to cry again but she always could.

"Do you think it's time?" Amelia asked Meredith who was standing next to her in the elevator. Even though the question was completely out of context Meredith knew immediately what Amelia had just asked. "I don't know Amelia. I really don't. Maybe you should talk to Carina." The answer was utterly unsatisfactory but she knew that was all she was going to get. After all Captain Maya Bishop was her patient.

At least after 3 weeks, they could find out what caused the fall. They weren't 100% sure but it linked to Carina's earlier theories. For now, they just went with that. She had extremely low food intake over the course of many, many days which led to low blood sugar, low blood pressure, and other inconvenient things. All of that caused the fall. Then again they couldn't be sure. Of course her job wasn't very convenient either. The high smoke intake often makes her lungs overwork which means she passes out quicker. Everyone but Carina was stunned by the possibility. No one knew how bad it had gotten. Now they all felt a little bit of guilt deep in their guts for not seeing the signs of the sickness Maya had dealt with alone for so many years.

Carina's hands were shaking. Coffee slipping from the cup in her hand and burning the palms of them. She didn't feel anything, not the hot coffee burning her delicate skin nor the pain from this situation. The numbness she already knew too well had kicked in again. She knew with one look at her sleeping beauty it would go away again but something was telling her it was better this way. With no feelings in the way to cloud her decision. Her body was screaming from the consequences of that numb feeling. She could shut off her mind but not the body keeping her alive. "Carina we have to figure this out together. For that, you would have to answer me." Amelia said with the same kind of mix between numbness and sadness. Carina didn't answer though. Even after Amelia's words. This was nothing one should ever have to answer. Ever. "I know this isn't easy-" and just like that the numbness had disappeared in a matter of seconds and Carina was interrupting Amelia's sentence. "Do you though? Know that this isn't easy? Because I'm pretty sure you don't fucking know how much this hurts and how much I would like to jump out of that window right now. The best thing that has ever happened to me is about to disappear again and to your question, WE ARE NOT SHUTTING OF THE DAMN MONITORS. SHE IS GOING TO GET MORE TIME AND SHE WILL WAKE UP!!" Carina screamed at Amelia with another round of tears streaming quickly down her cheeks. Amelia nodded shortly and made her way out again. She knew that Carina didn't mean to be as rude.

"Bambina please please, please wake up I need you. I need you so damn much okay. If you leave I don't know what I would do. So please, wake up!" Carina whispered calmly into Maya's ear not knowing exactly if she could hear her but she didn't mind. She was laying next to Maya in the hospital bed again and had one of her heavy arms around her. When slowly her hurting eyes fell shut and she was guided into the first peaceful sleep she had had in a long time. Why she could sleep now with the question Amelia had asked several hours ago was a mystery but at least she did fall asleep.

"Carina." A weak voice whispered into Carina's ear. Immediately she was awake being brutally ripped out of the peaceful sleep she had found herself in. Her eyes grew wide to an extent she didn't know was possible. This couldn't be happening right? This was just a dream. But it wasn't. Maya who had her eyes halfway open was the proof of that. She was awake. She was finally awake. Joy Carina hadn't felt in over 5 weeks started to rush through. Her mouth formed into one of the biggest smiles she had ever had. Truly she was the happiest she had been in ages. Maya was awake. Maya was finally awake. "Oh my God Bambina I've missed you so much! Welcome back." Carefully she took Maya into a hug. Making sure nothing was going to break. She came closer close enough for Maya to hear her. "I love you so much. So, so much!! But don't dare to scare me like that again okay?" A smile grew on both their faces and they didn't have a care in the world anymore. Even though they knew what would come next wasn't going to be easy.