Is it really worth it?

"You've grown up so much!"

This was definitely not how Maya imagined meeting the family. She imagined clammy hands because of nervousness, awkward smiles, and tons of small talk. Instead, she held Carina's hand tightly in hers giving her as much comfort as she could. In their situation, it wasn't Maya who got clammy hands and a gut punishing nervousness. Here, in this case, it was most clearly Carina.

Her father has never been a great role in Carina's life. His Bipolar disorder affecting her more with each year. Defining so many aspects of her life, being so extremely careful around him. Just because he never got a diagnosis or treatment. It took Carina forever to rid herself of his ban of charms and chocolates he always had been so good at manipulation. Now she was a full-grown adult and still fear controlled her every move around him. She was never able to breathe around him and now it was her childhood all over again. Why did he come back?

Maya noticed Carina's discomfort and placed a hand on her shoulder. Though her focus was still primarily on the road. Maya got a free pass from the clinic to accompany Carina on the meeting with her dad. He had wandered around the clinic until Carina asked him to leave which made his rage erupt exactly like it used to. They settled on a meeting today in a neutral space where no one knew either of them. So Maya and Carina found themselves driving to a cafe a little abroad in Seattle. Her dad was probably already waiting there. They only drove for about 30 minutes which made getting calm even harder for Carina. Maya noticed of course and sat with her a little longer just starting at the blue door if the cafe. She went around the car and opened Carina's car door helping her to step out. She knew Carina loved it when she tried to be a gentleman.

"Bambina, I'm sorry in advance if my dad pulls any bad jokes or makes inappropriate comments it's just that he-" before Carina could finish warning Maya she was interrupted by her fiancee's voice. "Hey, baby," Maya said placing Carina's hands in hers. "My Dad made me walk home 20 miles because I didn't win the race and only got second place. I think I can handle your dad." For a second Carina had forgotten the troubles Maya had lived through in her childhood. Her dad being the reason for most of them. They both had shitty fathers and both of them couldn't deal with them.

They took a step closer to the door of the cafe.  Maya tightened her grip to make sure Carina knew she was safe with her. "Oh, Bambina... please don't get mad, but my father kind of doesn't know I like women and am engaged to one so bear with me." Before Maya could come to word the cafe door was propped open by a man that had striking similarities to Carina. The same dark brown eyes with the tiniest sparkle in their corner. The wavy chestnut hair and full lips. Carina tightened her grip on Maya's hand to an extent it almost started hurting. But of course, Maya let her take her hand even if it would cut her blood circulation off. The grip didn't last long though. As soon as Carina realized her father's eyes drifting down she released her tight grip. She didn't give him the chance to notice any kind of romance between them. Which, given that they were a newly engaged couple with a strong and growing love for each other, was kind of hard.

I could feel her father's eyes looking be up and down and then lifting his gaze back up to Carina. Who was frozen in place with shock written all over her face. Her cheeks started to swell with a bright red color. Like they always did when rage was bubbling up slowly in the pit of her stomach.

"My beautiful girl. You've grown up so much!" He leaned forward probably trying to hug or at least show some kind of affection towards 'his little girl ' Maya saw Carina skillfully leaning back and walking towards the table avoiding her father's touch in every way she could. Luckily, her father seemed not to notice it.

Our table was small and stuffed into the back of the cafe. Carina sat on a chair facing the door calculating her escape route if one would be needed. Maya sat next to her purposely. She hated hiding her love for Carina just because they happened to be two women. But she also understood her situation. So she just sat next to her. Though, if this would have been any different she would have grabbed onto her fiancee's hand but she held back this time. After about 2 minutes of awkward silence, Carina's dad started talking in Italian something Maya could not understand. She noticed Carina relaxing the slightest bit into her chair that made a smile wander onto Maya's lips. She would have loved to place a comforting hand on Carina's knee to make it stop bouncing. Before she could toy around with that thought any longer a hand was placed on her shaking knee. Maya had the tick of bouncing her leg to an extreme but no one besides Carina had seemed to notice before. She was a little astounded to feel Carina's hands on her knee.

"So, you're a firefighter huh?" Maya's eyes jumped up from the staring position they had on Carina's hand. She was surprised by a question thrown towards her or maybe she had just been caught off guard. Her dad appeared to be the oblivious time when it came to anything gay since the hand on Maya's lap didn't alert him at all. Anyone with a not hetero normative mindset could have seen their love from miles away.

"Eh, yeah I'm a captain in Sation 19." She said proudly not mentioning the fact she was currently in a clinic being treated for an eating disorder. Carina's dad sprung his eyebrows up in surprise. "But you're a woman. How come they let you be captain?" He asked not noticing the sexism laced into his words. Great, not only was he homophobic but also sexist. "I mean no offense you seem like a very capable woman and all I just thought it strange." he was trying to salvage his words but it convinced neither Maya nor Carina. And the sexism was nonetheless in his last statement. Carina's Italian words interfered with the silence. Something Maya didn't understand but she was sure the rest of this brunch would be absolutely fantastic. Then again she was just sweet-talking hell.

(Hey, I hoped you enjoyed the chapter!! Sorry I didn't update in a while. Also if Carina's father is not portrayed the exact way he was in Grey's I'm sorry. I bent him a little to make it work with my ideas... The picture is the cafe they went to btw :)