Is it really worth it?

"I'm sorry Maya."

*I have to go now, don't I?*

Maya thought to herself

*these people can relate to you. There is no such thing as scaring them away. They've been through the same process. The endless cycle of starving, overeating, and then hating yourself so much any bite of food seems like the biggest crime. I'm not worthy of eating because of all the food I ate yesterday. The thoughts eating you up from the inside until you can't breathe. Until you can't focus on anything other than food. Food. Food. They have all been through it Maya and they might even relate.*

Maya's legs felt heavy and her upper body was aching. After the situation, this morning and the feeling of dread haunting her entire day she was purely exhausted. She often was. Exhausted. Still, she made it out from underneath her warm covers and threw on the next best thing she could find. It ended up being mom jeans and a tank top with the red-black flannel she was so comfortable in. She took one last breath before opening her door and facing the group therapy session head-on.

"Hey, my name is Jack, and I struggle with anorexia nervosa."

"Hello, I am Amy and I have orthorexia."

"Hey folks, I'm April and I have atypical anorexia."

"I'm Lana and I also suffer from anorexia nervosa."

"Hey guys, I'm August, and I suffer from binge eating and bulimia."

Everyone introduced themselves and named their corresponding disorder. Maya was stunned. Unknowingly why. She knew these people suffered just as much as she did but having people that seem to relate even in the slightest felt unrealistic. The people she dared to tell had concerned looks upon their faces and most likely answered with “Why? Your body is beautiful!" Or “why don't you just eat?". So at one point telling people about the way Maya's mind worked started to get exhausting to the point where she stopped. It got easier, hiding the fact that she wasn't eating, and easier to the point where no one questioned it anymore. “Oh yeah, she always eats that little.” “No no it's all good she just doesn't like breakfast or sweets.” it became a second nature until Carina came along. To her, she hated lying. It seemed wrong. When all she wanted was to tell her everything and scream it out loud so they could entrust each other's deepest darkest secrets. No riddles the other had to solve. Just the feeling of freedom with each other.

"Maya? Would you like to introduce yourself? You're the newest of us."

She hadn't realized how she drifted off until she was thrown the question. She nodded quickly as a response.

"Hey, I'm Maya. I suffer from bulimia and anorexia nervosa. I'm the captain of a fire station here in Seattle. I got engaged yesterday with the love of my life."

She said promptly and didn't know why that detail seemed inevitable. Maybe it was also a form of trying to get rid of August.

"I was born and raised in Seattle and won two Olympic medals in running."

She paused shortly.

"Sorry, that wasn't meant to come out so arrogant."

"Nice to meet you, Maya." Everyone replied. "August you are also new. Do you want to introduce yourself?" Said the guy who seemed to be the actual therapist. August shook her head in a way of agreeing to answer.

"Hey everyone, I'm August. I'm a biologist and am currently working on different gene modifications and how to evolve them. I'm originally from Buenos Aires and I've lived in Seattle for about 7 years. And as I mentioned earlier I suffer from binge eating and bulimia."

"Nice to meet you August." Everyone responded again.

Some people started chatting and waiting for a new announcement from Ben who Maya figured out was the therapist. Maya was busy thinking about August and having her mind replay the situation they had over and over again. She felt a tap on her shoulder, turned then looked straight into August's eyes. This time she wasn't intrusive at all just interested and somehow looked sad. "I'm sorry Maya. I didn't realize you were engaged and straight." She looked genuinely sorry which made Maya feel bad for all the hateful thoughts she had about August. She also smiled at the thought of her being straight but she was not about to correct August. Maybe being straight in her eyes would make this “friendship” easier.

"It's okay. Friends?" Maya responded and August nodded. Now their Attention was back with Ben who was explaining the next exercise.

After the group therapy was over Maya snuck back into her room. She had nothing other than dinner left for today and soon she would have survived her first day. And as it turns out group therapy wasn't bad at all. She quite enjoyed having people to relate to. No stupid comments. And no worried looks. The weight of the August situation was also lifted off her shoulders and made being here easier. Now all she could do was trust the process.

(Sorry I haven't updated in a while I'm currently on vacation and have less time. I'll try to write and updated as often as possible. As always I would love to hear your thoughts and predictions for the next chapters... Oh, and a general question do you like August so far?)