Ash Church: REVELATION

Season 8, Episode 5: Fourth and Twenty

Fade in to Caboose standing on top of a tall rock, being harassed on by some aliens below. Tucker and C.T. were standing off to the side as they just watched.

Caboose: "Go away, bad aliens! Shoo aliens shoo! Rolled up newspaper!"

Tucker: "Maybe you should have thought about that before you lost their all-powerful Deity."

Caboose: I "didn't lose him, he left. Or maybe he lost himself. Or maybe the Reds took him. I don't-"

One of the aliens shoots Caboose with a needler.

Caboose: "Ow! Stop that!"

C.T.: "Well, until the rest comes back, they need somebody to blame. Better you than us Caboose."

Caboose: "Tucker, C.T., help me."

Tucker: "Hyeah, dude, I dunno. I don't really wanna get in between an angry mob and their religious iconography. And I should know, I used to date an Italian girl."

Caboose: "But he's not really a god, it's all made up. You guys know that."

The aliens turn toward Tucker and C.T..

Tucker: "Whoa dude, we don't know shit. That sounds like straight up blasphemy. You guys gonna put up with this shit?"

C.T.: "Uh... Yeah!"

She said in attempt to be spared from the aliens by playing along.

Alien: "Blarg."

Tucker: "H-I know dude, that's what I'm saying. Took the blarg right out of my mouth."

Caboose: "Guys... They're going to eat me...!"

Tucker: "Caboose shut the fuck up, they're not gonna eat you. They're just gonna persecute you and kill you, stop being such a baby."

Caboose: "Look, the Reds, they're back. And they have your worshippy guy."

Tucker: "What? Sarge..."

Sarge: "Hey Blue, we're back. Got Simmons too. Where's the water can? Oh also you got any more spare jeeps around here? I don't wanna get into it, but we've identified a tactical weakness in the hood of the current models. Oh uh, what're you guys doing? Killin' Caboose? That's cool."

Caboose: "There he is! He is the one who took Church! (Ominously) Get him."

Alien: "Rawr? Rawrar."

Sarge: "...Ruh-roh."

Cut to rest of Red Team, Dani, and Blue Team with an offline Church.

Grif: "How's Floaty McGee?"

Simmons: "Eh you know, same old. Still not working."

Dani: "Is he dead?"

Simmons: "How the fuck would I know? And even if he was, would it make a difference with this guy?"

Grif: "Meh, probably not."

Simmons: "Now we've got sand all in his ports. How'm I supposed to fix him in an environment like this?"

South: (jokingly) "Sounds like you have sand in your ports."

Simmons: "Why did we even come here, it's a fucking desert."

Grif: "I don't know. This is where we were before we came to get you. And where else can we go anyway? There's bad guys at our base and Sarge never wants us to get far from the Blues. I don't know if you've noticed this guys, but he's a little obsessed."