F R A G I L E

g row ing up

One lonely evening,
Wind humming outside their small cottage, 
She tilted her head,  staring at the gloom sky,
Her mum delicate hand squeezed her shoulder,
"Mum,  what does it feel like growing up?"
Her voice was full of innocent,  curiosity.
She looked as her mom's  eyes swirled with emotion she couldn't name, 
before those same eyes reveal nothing but practiced blankness.

"It's something unique,  wonderful,  and fantastic.  You will face it soon enough. "
She wanted to ask more. 
But her mom's solemn voice stopped her.
Somehow,  she understand, 
But still she doesn't,
What is it that she understand? 
Smiling,  "can I eat this cookies? "
She can't wait to grow up.
Oh, how many friends she's gonna make,
oh, and she wants to wear those clothes,
would her reading become fluent by then? 
would that ice blended boy still dancing?

Oh, the future,  how exciting!

--------

She listened,
amused by her younger sister's curious voice,

"you aren't going to school?" the little one asked,

"I am," her lips twitched upward.

"But you are at home! " confused eyes staring confusedly at her.

She hummed,  tuning out her sister's whining and endless questions.

"Sis,  what does it feel like growing up?"

Her younger sister 's voice echoed around the small room,
She sneaked a glance at her little sister,
Two pair of eyes full of innocence and  excited twinkle observe  the many constellation and stars decorating the pale wall.

She hesitate to answer, 
one minute, 
two minutes,
"Sis? "
She looked away.

"It feels ..fantastic.  It's exciting, "
It's horrible.

"It's like an adventure. "
One that killed who you are.

"I want to grow up soon,  a little more. "
I want to be nothing, I want time to stop.

"It's a good thing,  I guess. "
It's madness. 

"Oh and it's fun."
It's tearing me apart.

"You discover so much more of you."
Sometimes, you lost who you are until you dont even know what makes you, you.

"You met a lot of people."
And lost many of them.

"Growing up, means you need to be  independent and holding responsibility."
You will be consumed by loneliness if you are different.

"That's it."
She closed her emotions with ease,
face blank,
Eyes looking anywhere but the child beside her.
Somehow even with the many constellation surround them, 
none of the lights reflect her eyes.

"Can't wait to grow up!!!" Her little sister exclaimed.

Her throat stricken, 
She choked a dry laugh,
as waves of nostalgia hits her.

-a.