«How did it go?» asks Anna sitting on her bed.
«My mother just left. I'll stay here on the weekend too.»
«How long?»
«Until I leave.»
Her hazel eyes soften. When she's in a good time, her natural goodness comes out, often becoming compassion.
«Before talking about anything else, would you like to tell me how did she take it?»
I let myself fall on the mattress, exhausted by the meeting with my mother.
«At first, if Maria hadn't been there, I would have been afraid of staying in the same room with her. She raised her voice, she was furious saying that nothing suits me, that I don't appreciate how much she and my father do...»
«Sorry if I interrupt you. But why didn't your father come?»
I was hoping she wouldn't ask.
«I don't know. Maybe he's disappointed, maybe angry, tired, or whatever.»
She noticed my waning tone.
«So after the initial screams, she calmed down?»
«No. She continued to accuse me. I tried several times to explain to her that I need it, that I also want to stay here to reflect alone, and that I don't like the atmosphere that is created at home on weekends. You should see us, none of us can be himself. All afraid of saying something wrong, all busy measuring every word. It's normal that someone then bursts. But anyway, thanks to Maria's help, she finally agreed not to scream. Very calmly, she told me to do what I want, and she left without saying goodbye.»
I was ashamed that such a scene happened in here. I hate having to bring family problems under the eye of an examiner, but at least it helped me to soften Maria a little more.
«All in all, it went well, you're in one piece.»
«Yes, I can't complain.»
«Come on, ask me» I add, noticing her impatience.
«Why do you want to do this? I can't wait to go home.»
Michele, her two-year-old older boy who uses her, is her reason to go home.
«Anna, I want to do it because it's unbearable to feel like a stranger, or worse, a sick person in my house. You know how I feel about your motive, and maybe you wouldn't be wrong to stay a weekend.»
«At least it's something.»
«Yes, an evil you don't deserve.»
If I'm so direct it's because I know I can do it. Sometimes she gets offended, but she appreciates sincerity and understands when something is said out of affection and not out of criticism.
«Aurora, Michele wants me. For me it matters more than anything else, that's enough for me.»
«He plays on that to keep you with him.»
She jumps out of bed and walks over to the window. She traces lines on the glass with her finger, perhaps delimiting her shy reflection.
«He's not the best of the boys, I don't know what he does when I don't see him. If you want to know, he's not that loving even when we see each other. But when he touches me without withdrawing, when he kisses me with the desire to do so, when he doesn't criticize me for who I am...»
«But what do you want him to criticize, Anna. You're a beautiful girl and anyone would like to have the chance to love you.»
«Aurora, what did you just say? Do you want to become one of those people we criticize too? What's the next maxim? That life is beautiful and everyone is good and kind?»
I feel terribly stupid. I promised myself not to touch on the subject and I just did.
«I'm sorry, I'm an idiot.»
«I know why you said that but, please, let's try to talk without saying certain things, okay?»
«All right. Anna, I'm only sorry that he uses you because that's what he does.»
«I wish you to have your first relationship with someone who loves you. But believe me, it's often enough for us that they make us feel beautiful to be deceived. I'm not stupid, I know what he is. But I can't help it.»
The first relationship. I've often thought about what it'll be like, and especially if there will be. I go to hug her, and she reciprocates with tears in her eyes.
«Anna maybe you're right, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. But I know you deserve better, can I at least say that?»
«Of course you can.»
«And anyway you're invited to spend a pleasant weekend here, maybe we watch a movie that Luisa likes without her, so then we make her a little angry. At least think about it, okay?»
«Okay Aurora, I'll think about it.»
YOU ARE READING
Aurora's Shadow
RomanceAurora, forced into an eating disorder clinic at 17 years old, decides to find a compromise not to remain under observation. Her choices will lead her along a path full of lies, pain, unspoken anger, and false joys until, at the age of twenty, Tyler...
