Tears keep pouring down her, yet she doesn't lose her composure. I am enchanted by her beauty.
«The one who would become my baby's father is a boy a few years older. We met by chance, for a bad joke of the case. Initially, he gave me a lot of attention, no one had ever looked at me like that, courted so much, and talked for so long. The means have certainly helped him, he has his own independence, his own home, and his family had assured him a future without worries. I was just eighteen years old, I was still attending school, imagine how I felt to have at my side a boy who was already a man in many ways. When I realized he didn't want a girlfriend but an object, it was too late.»
She pauses for a break punctuated by sobs. She puts a hand on her belly, and the story begins again.
«My parents didn't agree. You know, I think parents sometimes get a strange idea of education, they convince themselves that their children have the tools they need to make autonomous choices early on. They raised me like that, and when my choices led me to that boy, they didn't give me the tools to understand, but they tried for the first time to stop me from doing something. It didn't work, and I moved in with him. He used me Aurora, in all possible ways. He knew I needed that place and he didn't lose anything in it. I left school when I found out I was pregnant, and he didn't take it well. He told me to have an abortion, and I pretended to agree. I went back to my parents begging them, but they didn't want to hear reasons. I think the stress and nervousness made my baby understand that it would be better not to come into the world. I had a miscarriage, alone, in the bathroom of a house that was now a prison.»
She looks back at me and her eyes seem to scream.
«He kept using me, just paying a little more attention. I was alone, penniless, homeless, and with no one to rely on. I looked for work, I looked for it a lot, but there was always something that didnt convince those who should have hired me. When I found a restaurant that took me on trial, on the fourth evening I fell to the ground. They called an ambulance and in the hospital I discovered my problems with food. I hadn't even realized that I had lost so much weight, for me there was nothing wrong with it. At nineteen I discovered this place, and I have been here for a year now. There are days when I think I'm better, and others when I realize I've built a cage around myself.»
«But Serena, all the talks we've had, your dreams, your wishes. You can easily reach them, you just need time.»
She smiles, and I am amazed once again by the impact of this beauty that seems suspended between life and death.
«Remember when I didn't have cigarettes? It was because I ran out of money. Since then it's Maria who has bought them for me, she doesn't deserve the way we treat her.»
I look away, hurt by this last sentence.
«Aurora, I'm not even able to find work. Both my body and my brain are rowing against me, and despite having been here for a year, I'm more and more convinced that I can only dream.»
«I'm really sorry. I didn't even imagine all this» I say to justify my blindness.
«There are things that cannot be guessed. But I understand what you are doing. Aurora you are 17, you have parents who love you even if they make mistakes, and the possibility of changing your life.»
«Serena, please don't...»
«No, now you listen to me» she says, preventing me from interrupting her «because you always need someone to tell things as they are, even if you know that you may not like it. I was saying, you are only 17 years old. From what I understand, your genius plan is to pretend, that's all. Pretending, and find compromises to avoid real changing, isn't it? Maybe you can be a different person, at least superficially. But all of this will inevitably lead you to loneliness. And do you know how much I wanted someone next to me in these years? I can't even imagine what I could have done.»
«Serena, there are things you don't know.»
«I know, I certainly don't have the presumption of knowing everything that has brought you this far. But I imagine that people's stupidity has to do with it» she gets out of bed and heads for the door.
«Where are you going?»
«Another thing I understood about you is that you're very intelligent. So I don't think I need to tell you anything else, right?»
«Quite right.»
«Perfect. One more thing, Aurora: in times of confusion, ask yourself what would you do if you knew your time was running out. Now I'm going to take a shower before dinner.»
«See you later then.»
She goes out and closes the door behind her, without giving me time to argue, to oppose, or to console her a little more. She goes away leaving me like a fool, if nothing else, she left me with a few more thoughts.
YOU ARE READING
Aurora's Shadow
רומנטיקהAurora, forced into an eating disorder clinic at 17 years old, decides to find a compromise not to remain under observation. Her choices will lead her along a path full of lies, pain, unspoken anger, and false joys until, at the age of twenty, Tyler...
