Aurora's Shadow

Chapter 7

This is the third Saturday I wake up at the clinic.

My parents, since I made the decision not to return, have come to see me a couple of times. Listening to Maria's stories, tales of a different Aurora, who eats a little more and is more collaborative, they're convinced that my choice wasn't dictated by the desire to get away from them, but by a desire to change. My father also said he saw me in better shape, and I struggled a lot to smile at his comment. I know by myself that I've already gained weight, I don't need to be reminded of it by him.

The best thing about these weekends was the dialogues with Serena. I discovered a different person, a girl with dreams, wishes, and hopes. She explained to me that she is here because she has realized for herself that she needs it. One day she hopes to become a mother, and to do so she wants to be sure that she'll raise her baby, because she is certain that she'll be a girl, differently from how she was raised. She says that she'll make her feel like a princess, and that she'll risk spoiling her too much. Serena is a girl with a lot of love to give, and I'm finally managing to see her essence. She often points out that our conversations must stay between us, and every time she does it my pride increases, even though I had promised myself not to get too involved with these girls. Yes, I want to be their friend, but I don't want them to become indispensable for me, they would risk giving me a reason to stay. With Serena, however, I'm unbalanced, but for now, it suits me.

To everyone's surprise, Luisa left three days ago. Her parents have brought her home, certain that she has understood. Before leaving she wanted to give us a list of movies to watch, her ten favorites. I would like to say I've known her better, but I don't know how to describe her. They say we are what we eat, and in her case perhaps she is the set of movies she has watched. Even if the others won't cross the list, I will, because if those contained there are her favorite movies, perhaps it's there that she resides.

Anna, on the other hand, hasn't yet accepted my invitation. I'm sorry, also because every Monday I see her with a fake smile, but I can't help it. I also avoided insisting, she doesn't want to listen. She has repeatedly pointed out my inexperience, and to be honest it isn't a pleasant thing.

I feel I'm close to my goal, and that's what matters the most to me. If I allow myself to get hurt, I lose the necessary concentration.

I hear a knock on the door.

«Aurora, would you like to have breakfast together? I didn't want to eat at home this morning.»

At this point, I think Maria is totally compromised.

«Sure.»

«And Anna? Has she already gone?»

«No, she's getting ready.»

«Hi Maria» my roommate exclaims from the bathroom, hearing herself mentioned.

«Hi, Anna. Do you want to have breakfast with us?»

«No thanks, I'll do it later with my parents.»

We go out closing the door behind us, and Maria catches me off guard.

«Actually, I have to tell you that your mother called here last night.»

I stop before entering the dining area.

«What do you mean? Why didn't you warn me?»

«For what she asked for. And that's why I want to talk to you about it this morning. But let's sit down first.»

Eating is already a business, and not knowing the content of the conversation between them further ruins the appearance of croissants, pies and everything else on the buffet tables. I take the first thing I find, without paying attention to what it is, and a glass of orange juice. Then I take a seat, waiting for Maria to choose her breakfast.

«Don't worry, it's not bad news» she says, taking her seat.

I don't answer, just looking at her.

«So, we're almost at the end of August. This is the third Saturday you spend here, and I must say that I've seen some important progress. I'm not talking about physical fitness, but about the impression you make now on those who look at you. You're more radiant, and this is perhaps one of the most difficult stages to reach. Given all these premises, your mother, and I'm beginning to agree with her, thinks that you can go home as early as the beginning of September.»

I get up slowly so as not to explode, going to her side with an impassive air. But then I lose control, the tears come out, and I hug her with all the energy I have.

«Thank you, thank you, and thank you» I whisper in her ear.

«I remind you that you'll have to come back here for the weekly meetings and that you still have about ten days to spend with us. Let's say you won't get rid of me that easily.»

«Don't worry Maria, I think I would miss you.»

I go back to my seat, realizing that I've taken a croissant with jam. I've eaten worse, so I take out the last brick in the first row. The biggest task is done, now all that's left to do is avoiding mistakes.