Returning to the clinic is better than returning home. In two months I met some girls, getting into confidence despite not considering them friends, and with the same choice, I prefer to spend my time with them rather than with my parents. There is Anna, my roommate who, like me, jumps unpredictably from euphoria to listlessness; Luisa, a film lover who tries in every way to let us know what she calls "the most personal of all forms of art"; Serena... I don't know what to say about her, I would never be able to describe her. I only know that maybe she's the one I care about the most, even if I avoid showing it to her. Most of the time she's unfriendly, but when someone, whoever he is, has a breakdown, she's always on the front line to take charge of the battle.
There are other girls and a couple of guys too, but I never got to talk to them.
«Hello Aurora, would you like to talk a little?»
And then there is her, Maria. Twenty-seven years old, almost certified psychotherapist, she had done an internship here in the past. Her empathy and sincere interest convinced the director to hire her. Although she can't yet follow real cycles of therapy, she's the one who breaks through informal dialogues. I believe she's the true soul of this place, the eyes, and the heart of the clinic.
«Sure.»
We head to the common room, which, although it's furnished in such a way as to make us forget where we are, with armchairs, a sofa, a large TV and even a small corner bar where you can find everything but alcohol, I can't do without associate it with one of those asylums you see in movies. Only the maddening background music is missing.
«How was the weekend?»
She asks sitting in one of the armchairs. Before I sit down too, I take two teas and hand her one.
«As always. Maria, am I forced to go home?»
«You know there are few constraints here. But why this question?»
I have to start introducing the speech. The only person I don't want to lie to is her, but I have no choice to leave. I'll need time to convince her, but as intelligent and intuitive as she is, I'm sure her empathy will work in my favor.
«Because it starts to hurt. Perhaps, and I stress perhaps, my parents aren't entirely wrong.»
A large question mark appears to appear on her forehead.
«A drastic change of perspective from last week.»
I don't have to force my hand.
«I cried on Saturday night, as I haven't done for a long time. Something happened.»
Her expression softens immediately. This is the Maria to whom I'll have to lie.
«What?»
«I was in bed and I couldn't sleep. When I saw the doorknob drop, I knew my mother was coming in for the usual check, so I pretended to be asleep. She walked over silently, leaning over me and stroking my forehead, just like you do with a child. I thought I felt her tears. Then she whispered a sentence: "Please, don't let anything happen to her". She kissed me on the forehead, walked out of the room, and I felt like I was dying. I immediately fell into a deep sleep, or it would be better to say that I was dragged into a dream. I wonder how many times she gave me that kiss, maybe while I was sleeping. But that dream...»
I turn around avoiding her gaze. I play with the glass agitatedly. I wish it were fiction, but I'm really anxious. I have to invent a convincing dream, that testifies to my consideration of another point of view.
«You don't have to tell it. You can do it later.»
«No, I want to do it» I interrupt, enlightened by an idea.
I allow myself another moment, then I remove the first brick that will make me escape.
YOU ARE READING
Aurora's Shadow
RomansaAurora, forced into an eating disorder clinic at 17 years old, decides to find a compromise not to remain under observation. Her choices will lead her along a path full of lies, pain, unspoken anger, and false joys until, at the age of twenty, Tyler...
