Psycho (lashton)✔

//25//

//Luke//

"I- I can't-" Ashton mumbled as he woke up after only a few hours sleep, making me jump and gently move his head off of my lap.

"Ashton?" I whispered as he looked at me in shock, his face going pale.

"Luke," Ashton blurted, "oh my god, Luke, y-you're okay, I- I remember you." Ashton said breathlessly, struggling to sit up.

"Oh my god," I breathed, "are you sure you remember everything?"

"I know that- that they- they-" Ashton shivered, his face dropping as the memories resurfaced.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it, I missed you," I blurted, Ashton letting me help him sit up.

"Everything hurts, baby," Ashton whined, a sob wracking his body and making him shake again. My heart broke in two as I watched him deteriorate and break down in front of me, "I don't want to be here any more." Ashton cried convulsively, his breathing sounding forced and desperate.

"I- I know, Ash," I mumbled, reaching out my arms for him but instead he pulled me over to him and wrapped his arms round my body with a groan at the struggle.

"I feel weird," Ashton mumbled, taking a deep, unsure breath to stop from crying, "you're the only thing that keeps me from being more insane than I already am."

"You're not insane," I said surely, "Ashton, schizophrenia does not mean you're insane."

"I don't know, I'm just- I feel like I could get help if I wasn't in this hellhole," Ashton mumbled, "I feel like if we weren't in here, you could move in with me a-and I'd make breakfast every day, although I'd probably burn it but you wouldn't mind, and we could go out to coffee and just sit and appreciate the world around us. I'd always be taking photos of stuff and you'd get annoyed by it but in the end we'd have these awesome photos so you wouldn't mind too much. And then, for lunch, we'd go to our favourite restaurant with the best food and I'd take cute photos of you a-and you'd giggle and be all adorable all the time and you'd never cry and you'd never be scared." Ashton's voice faded away and I let a tear roll down my cheek.

"Oh, Ashton," I whispered, wrapping my arms round his body.

"And for dinner, we'd order pizza and- and chocolate, we'd eat lots of chocolate. And after that, we'd probably have sex, let's be honest, and I'd make you feel so good and you'd scream my name. But- but after that we'd take a nice warm shower together that lasts over half an hour, just... the steam and the warmth and each other as I do your hair and you do mine and... it'd be perfect..." Ashton's vision of a utopian life stayed in my mind as we both sighed.

"I- I-" I stuttered, wiping Ashton's tears away.

"I'd lean down and kiss you but I can't because it hurts to move," Ashton sighed and I sat up, connecting our lips softly and gently as he kissed me with every piece of energy he had left. It wasn't much but it was enough- slow and passionate, the warmth that ignited inside of me being enough to warm me up in this frozen depiction of hell.

--
a/n I cried while writing this while sat on my window sill watching the rain and oh god emotional
~Teddy