Psycho (lashton)✔

//14//

//Luke//

The worst thing about group showers is the fact that anyone could see your body if they wanted, and it made me feel ten times more insecure as I stepped under the freezing cold water, trying to wash as quickly as possible, keeping my head down and trying not to shake too visibly.

"Blondie, you okay?" Ashton said from the cubicle next to me, the tiny 'walls' separating us barely even there.

"Mhm," I mumbled, turning the shower off and grabbing a towel as fast as humanly possible and drying off, grabbing a clean pair of overalls and pulling them on, not caring if they were too big.

"Who's the skinny kid?" someone shouted at me and I visibly winced at the insult but tried not to let it get to me as I ran my fingers through my hair and waited for Ashton.

"Hurry up Ash, hurry up, hurry up," I mumbled to myself, bouncing my leg up and down.

"Careful, new kid, you might snap in half," someone else laughed cruelly at me. I was already unbelievably insecure about my body and I tried to keep telling myself that what psychotic criminals thought of me didn't matter. The showers turned off and Ashton signalled that he was done by grabbing my hand and pulling us out of the shower room, our guard chaining us together once again.

"Hey, blondie, you alright?" Ashton asked quietly as we walked down the corridors, a few people screaming and making me wince at the harsh sound. We were off to lunch but I completely zoned out for the entire time and even ignored Karina when she came to talk to us, I just gulped down my 'meal' and stared at the wall, not even hearing Ashton talk to me.

I stayed silent until we were shoved, literally shoved, back into our tiny cell and then I lost it.

"I- I- why am I so- why am I in here, Ash? Oh god I have to get out," I cried, burying my face in my hands and crying like no tomorrow, "I keep having p-panic attacks a-and I feel like I'm going to go insane if I stay in here any longer, I just-"

"Hey, ba- blondie, it's okay," Ashton hummed, pulling me towards him and sitting me in his lap to stroke my hair.

"No it's not," I mumbled, trying to breathe.

"Baby- I mean, Luke, just try to breathe, okay? There, that's it sweetheart, breathe," Ashton took a deep breath and I mimicked him, matching my breathing to his as he wiped my tears away.

"Don't go back now Ashton," I whispered, "don't go back to ignoring me."

"Alright," Ashton hummed, "I just... I have a hard time sometimes when... when the voices talk to me a-and..."

"Ashton are you... are you schizophrenic?" I asked softly, and when he looked at me, dumbfounded, I elaborated, "it means that you um... hear things and sometimes see people that aren't really there... and sometimes you struggle to recognise the difference between reality and the images and situations inside your head..."

"But- but-" Ashton stuttered, nuzzling his head into my chest, "but they're so real."

"Do you- do you wanna talk to me about what it's like when the voices talk to you...?" I asked softly and he shrugged, turning me round so I was sat facing him in his lap with my legs loosely placed round his body.

"It's like... you know when you have a panic attack and you feel trapped? Like that but people are screaming at you to do things to people and- and sometimes it's just screaming that I hear and it takes over my entire mind and body and I shake and then all I hear is them and I feel paralysed and-" Ashton choked on his words, the tears forming in his eyes.

"Ash don't cry," I wrapped my arms round him and he sobbed a little, "shh." I hushed, burying my head into his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head. "Ashton?"

"Mhm?" Ashton replied, his hands still on my hips.

"Will you sing for me?"

"Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies, I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death, good God, let me give you my life," Ashton sung softly, smirking at me and biting his lip. And God damn did it turn me on.

--
a/n
but but
holy shit
what did i just write
ZncnskcnsKDNFNC
same?
same.
oh and btw Im well aware that Ashton wouldn't have heard this song since he's been in there like three years but itS FICTION STFU
<3
~Teddy