Quick update: I have been sleeping a lot early and waking up earlier than usual. And I don't get it. They said sleeping enough and on time would fix me up. Taking care of myself would make me feel better everyday. Because it was all about self-love, right? It was all about loving yourself no matter what your flaws is. That is why i acted normal like my old self and did bury all my negative self-harm thoughts. And they said everything will be alright. Everything will be fine again that I would not have to loathe myself.
But I am only getting worse.
Everyday, I care less and less about people around me. I started detaching myself from others, emotionally.
Sure, I go out and hang out with my cousins. I converse with my friends and my boyfriend. Tried to fix myself up for them cause I know I no longer care for myself and how I end up in life. But, I have tried and tried. I am not being impatient of the self-healing process, it just feels like I'm getting worse.
And I cried. When we were drinking. In front of my cousin. And I didn't know how to explain the mess i feel and the mess in my head. When I wake up in the morning, everything would seem okay. But i would never feel like everything is okay with me. In the back of my head, I knew I wasn't.
Everyday that passes by, I care less and less about being alive. And in the middle of my birthday, in the middle of the day while walking down a street, I almost found myself walking in the middle of the road. We were celebrating and I was about to turn my birth date into a death anniversary for them to remember.
With that, I just want to murder myself today.
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Vent hole
RandomA vent hole for someone like me with critical personal issues topped with anxiety cream and depression sprinkles. "Random thoughts in life" was a mistake of a title. Everything started from me falling in love and hurting myself really really bad, fa...
