"Isn't it too late for you to paint your nails now?"
I looked at the owner of the voice which seemed to come from behind me. There beneath the door frame of my bedroom was my mom who looked at me suspiciously. I was midway into painting my left ring finger with nail polish.
"It's just a superstition," I chuckled. "Nothing bad would happen to me."
"Except that your eyes may get impaired because you're doing this with only a minimum of light," my mom remarked looking around at the poorly dimmed room. She went to switch on the florescent lights and I immediately squinted my eyes from too much brightness.
"It's not that bright, Agatha," she stated and sat by my bed. I ignored her and continued to paint my nails. I knew she noticed that I painted my nails pink. I admit, it didn't look good with my skin color.
"Why pink?" she questioned while eyeing the pink nail polish laid on the ground beside me. "Why not use something darker like royal blue or hot pink?"
"I like this color," I simply answered as the nail brush glided on my nails, filling it with color. "Besides, it looks like Barbie nails now."
"Except that you aren't Barbie because you're not as attractive like her," my mom blurted out. I just chuckled and she thought that I took it as a joke and not as an offensive remark.
Thinking she could not stop me from doing this, she made her way towards the door again and looked at me before saying, "Agatha, you should just study instead of doing nonsense things like this. You better maintain your grades this semester and retain your position in your class. You know the consequence."
I looked up at her and smiled, "Yes mom. You can count on me!"
After hearing that, she closed the door. I heard her footsteps fading from my hearing. When I was sure that she's out of hearing, I hummed a shaky tune while doing the rest of my nails.
I slowly let the feeling swallow me up once again. I never did around my mom. She'd think I was going insane. I was always silent about this feeling that's driving me mad everytime it would decide to come randomly throughout a supposed to be normal day.
I felt the panic rush inside of me and my chest tightening. My pounding heart continued to beat so much as if it was sensing danger. I tried to breathe as if nothing's wrong but I somehow didn't succeed anyway. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I swore it's more than that. It's definitely so much more.
And so much worst.
What was I nervous about you may ask? My nails.
I saw them blue. I thought I saw them decaying. My mind immediately though maybe I was dying. My rational mind reasoned it was just the light creating the illusion that my nails were blue. However, my panicked mind wouldn't believe it.
I ran to my nail supplies and began to clean my nails. I wanted them to be colored other than blue and red. I didn't want to see them blue anymore. I had to color my nails before I go completely insane. My mind created scenarios that something bad would happen if I didn't paint my nails. It somehow convinced me that I would die when I saw my nails like an empty canvas surrounded with a phantom blue aura.
When mom went in, I tried my best not to let her know I was panicking or I was going insane. Nothing good would come out of it if I showed her. She'd think I'd fit in a mental institution. Nobody understood me.
Nobody would ever understand the feeling of being irrationally scared of something so little like the color of one's nails.
With bitter and fearful tears now falling down my cold and pale cheeks, I finished the last of the pink nails and hummed the last melody of the song I was humming to.
I would finally calm down, right?
