One day, I opened up my eyes. Just like any other day. I saw the same things. The messy bed. The electric fan that's left open. The closed wooden door. The familiar sense of isolation. The unsettling silence that I got used of.
And me.
Heaving a sigh, I grabbed my earphones that was tangled around my neck after falling asleep with it, plugged it to my phone again, and listened to the same song I loved listening to. Psycho by Red Velvet. It was comforting. Somehow. That one English line I hung onto for over a year now still kept me sane. It did not change.
But then again, nothing did.
It did not bother me. Nothing did anymore.
Sighing for the nth time, I paused Psycho. I went to Youtube and opened up the playlist I created from about three months ago. The familiar intro of Gloom as Kartha Gewart greeted me as I averted my eyes to the ceiling. Her videos used to bring light to my eyes. But now, it just became like a sense of familiarity to this insane thing called uncertainty.
The ceiling gave me a sense of familiarity, too. There hung on my left was the medals I earned from way back elementary and high school. There was the familiar glimmer of bronze, silver, and gold being lit by the fluorescent light. It pained my eyes to look at it. But I did not mind. I was used to it unsurprisingly.
Just as expected, with my eyes on the ceiling, my tears rolled down from my dull eyes. The monsters came again. The usual metaphor to call them. They were here like they used to. They accompanied me again as if this was their life's purpose. It was, as if, this was what they were meant to do. They were meant to torment me, to scare me, to belittle me, and to dishearten me on a daily basis. They succeeded everytime. I did not bother to fight anymore.
It was all just the same cycle over and over again.
I looked at my phone's time. 1:26 A.M. Nothing unusual. Good. This day would end the same way it always did. A time loop, I told you. It was supposed to be like this. I already accepted that it would go on and on and on forever.
I closed my eyes. Let the sounds of the Youtube video play. Nothing new. Just like the usual. I fell asleep with the Youtuber saying to her viewers that she was on a full Mother Bear mode.
And then, just like that, I opened up my eyes. Just like any other day. I saw the same things. The messy bed. The electric fan that's left open. The closed wooden door. The familiar sense of isolation. The unsettling silence that I got used of.
And me.
Heaving a sigh, I grabbed my earphones that was tangled around my neck after falling asleep with it, plugged it to my phone again, and listened to the same song I loved listening to. Psycho by Red Velvet. It was comforting. Somehow. That one English line I hung onto for over a year now still kept me sane. It did not change.
But then again, and again, nothing did.
It did not bother me. I told you, nothing did anymore.
Sighing for the nth time, I paused Psycho. I went to Youtube and opened up the playlist I created from about three months ago. The familiar intro of Gloom as Kartha Gewart greeted me as I averted my eyes to the ceiling. Her videos used to bring light to my eyes. But now, it just became like a sense of familiarity to this insane thing called uncertainty.
The ceiling gave me a sense of familiarity, too. There hung on my left was the medals I earned from way back elementary and high school. There was the familiar glimmer of bronze, silver, and gold being lit by the fluorescent light. It pained my eyes to look at it. But I did not mind. I was used to it unsurprisingly.
