I've never felt this before. Not even from my past lovers.
There's this burning sensation on my pounding chest. Something that's wanting to burst out of my ribcage. With this feeling, I also felt the urge to punch the wall or something. It also seemed as if I got punched by a brick that made my sleepy self became wide awake.
Was I too late?
You see, she's one of the most amazing souls out there, probably the best even. Kind-hearted and free-spirited, that's how I would describe her and I guess that's how a lot would, too. She never failed to make me laugh and smile with her humor that matched mine. She would always brighten up my day just being by her presence.
When something bad happens, I would run back to her and even if I wouldn't tell her anything, she would still drive the stormy mess of my mind away. It's like she's absorbing the negative energy and converts it into something bright and warm.
We are perfectly okay the way we are. We're just two souls that found each other amidst all the chaos brought about by life. We never want this to end. We just like to be within each other's presence every now and then. It's not like we're into each other.
I guess, it's not like she's into me.
I already knew that I was falling for her hard. Who wouldn't? She brought back the color I've lost as I go through life's challenges. She tamed my storms despite me insisting that I should do it by myself. Her warmth would bring the fireplace near to me whenever winter comes. She made me feel things that I haven't felt before. She's a rollercoaster ride but I was having fun more than being afraid.
She made me a better person because I wanted to become one for her.
Despite this, I got afraid of facing these emotions. It felt as if it's not right. Maybe she didn't like me back, or maybe if she did, I would only hurt her. That's the last thing I wanted to do to her. She doesn't deserve pain at all.
I pushed away the emotions I felt towards her, but her charms are just so strong. The more that I told myself to ignore, the more that it grew stronger. It felt suffocating to stop myself from falling hard for her. It wasn't right, said my rational mind, but my heart would always remind me that I found home with her.
She's my home.
That's why I'm feeling like this. I've held my tongue back for so many days, weeks, and months more than I could count. I could've just told her, I could've just faced what I was feeling. I could've just accepted what might happen after it, but I didn't. I was scared.
I got back to my reality after being spaced out with my thoughts. The computer screen is still flashing our conversation. Her pretty profile picture is smiling at me and it makes me want to smile as well but with her message, I could only just stare blankly on her sweet smile. With a shaky breath, I started typing my response to her.
"Tell me when he makes more advances."
