Puhon

9

I asked myself multiple times if what I am doing is selfishness. I was deprived of the truth almost whole my life. Ang akala noon, sa oras na malaman ko kung sino ang mga totoo kong magulang ay mapupunan na nito ang naiwang puwang sa puso ko na matagal nang binalot ng pangungulila mula sa totoong ako.

But maybe that is not the case for me. And the fact that I am the sole reason why Tito Ely left his family makes me want to scream and cry over and over again until I felt satisfied.

And God! Akala ko doon na matatapos ang mga rebelasyon, but Mom is pregnant. She's two months pregnant. I hate the fact that I admired them as who they were, but it was all a lie. Everything they made me see and feel was a big lie. Gusto kong magalit. Gusto kong takasan lahat pero alam kong babalik at babalik ako sa umpisa.

But I guess sometimes we have to make a decision in our lives that will break our hearts. I may fall down, and I will definitely get back up to continue living.

Isang buwan na lang at graduation na. I am planning on moving out. Hindi ko tinatakasan ang mga problema na mayroon ako. But right now, all I want and crave is peace of mind.

The images of lying in my bed and wondering how long I will feel this way and it sucks. This is the worst kind of sad. The sad where you try to ignore it and then one day you just breakdown, I can't take it anymore.

Pagod na inilagay ni Miguel ang ulo sa balikat ko. I heard him sigh deeply. Kanina lang ay niyaya niya akong lumabas at agad akong pumayag dahil gusto ko rin talagang umalis ng bahay.

My....parents and I are not in speaking term. They let me have my space, hindi ko na rin matandaan kung kailan ang huling nagsabay sabay kami sa hapagkainan. My mom's pregnancy is risky. Masyadong maselan, bawat linggo ay may check up ito. Aside from that, wala na kong alam pa.

I can feel Miguel's sadness. Kakatapos lang namin kumain at nandito kami ngayon sa loob ng sasakyan niya. Kanina ko pa napapansin na mukha siyang pagod. His dark circles are one of the evidences.

Marahan kong hinaplos ang buhok niya. My friends didn't know about my family's situation right now. I can't even open it up to them. At maging si Miguel ay walang alam sa bagay na iyon.

How can you even be proud of that? We are homewreckers. Kahit sino ay galit ang unang mararamdaman sa amin.

"Ssssh, it's fine." Pang-aalo ko sa kanya. He raised his head and looked at me. His eyes screams pain and tiredness. Mabilis na nilukot ang puso ko ng kakaibang lungkot.

We're all trying everyday. We all feel pain everyday. We all face our own battle everyday.

"Won't you ask what happened?" Aniya na may maliit at malungkot na ngiti. I shook my head.

"I'll wait until you're ready enough to tell me what's going on. You don't need to rush yourself. D-dito lang ako." I said while feeling the pain in my heart. Gusto ko rin kasi na may magsabi sa akin no'n.

He cupped my face and kissed my forehead. I gave him an assuring smile after that.

"Thank you... You don't know how much I appreciate that." Siya na nananatili ang mga mata sa akin.

"Let's go?" Tanong niya pa.

I bit my lip and looked outside the car. 3pm pa lang, ayoko pa rin namang umuwi.

"Ayoko pa umuwi." Yun lang ang sinabi ko at bakas ang pagtataka sa mukha nito.

He slowly let go of my face and just held my hand. He started the engine and his left hands grasped the steering wheel.

I heard him chuckle a bit. "Same, baby. Let's go somewhere else than home." Aniya at pinatakbo na ang sasakyan.

Binibitawan niya lang ang kamay ko kapag kailangan niyang gamitin iyon sa pagmamaneho, at ibabalik din naman pagkatapos. Ilang minuto pa ay hindi na pamilyar sa akin ang dinadaanan namin.