Unlasting

Rachael

I heard Brie scream moments after I saw Adrian leave. Panicking, I rushed to her room.

"What's wrong, Brie? What happened?"

Brie fell to the ground, I rushed to her side, kneeling down, trying to console her. "Talk to me Brie, what did Adrian say?"

"Joshua's dead. He... he... he... he died."

I was shook, and confusion became my only comfort for her words. How did Joshua die and how was Adrian involved? She'd known the guy for three months and he tells her about her brother's death? When did Joshua die? What in God's name was happening?

I had so many questions but no one to give the answers. Brie was devastated and I didn't know what to do. I continued holding and consoling her until she cried herself to sleep on the ground.

As I lay on the ground with Brie, I couldn't help but think about my own life. Brie was going through a lot but so was I, and I was unable to share this fact because whenever she was happy and I thought it was the right time to tell her about my own problems something crazily painful happens and I'm back to acting like I was fine so I can take care of her.

I wasn't complaining, but it would be nice to be the one being consoled for a change. I loved Brie, God I loved her, she wasn't just my best friend but also my sister. I loved her to the point where if she needed a kidney, not even the heavens could stop me from giving her one of mine. Her pain was my pain, her heartache mine too, and seeing her in this state crumbled me to the point where I forgot I was happy and Inlove.

She loved Joshua, he was a nice kid after all. He knew Brie was his sister and he never told his father, that was how loyal they were to each other. They had the sibling bond, something I have always longed to have, and just like that, he was gone. I didn't really know the connection between Joshua's death and Adrian, what I did know was that Brie would blame herself for all of this.

"Hey, you awake?" I said softly.
She stared into space, blinking, the only movement she made.

"It's gonna be alright Brie. Whatever you're thinking, stop, it's not your fault."

She started crying, "It's not going to be alright, Rach, not this time. Joshua's not coming back and it's all my fault."

"No. Don't say that. You didn't do anything. Stop thinking that, please." I'm pleading so much I didn't realize when the tears started falling from my eyes.

"It's all my fault. I shouldn't have left Rach, I shouldn't have guilted my mother into telling Kevin I was hers. Now joshua's gone and it's all because I was selfish. My little brother is gone Rach, he's gone..."

"Look at me Brie, look at me," I raised her from the ground, placing her face in front of mine, eyes locking with hers, "You didn't do anything wrong. Please believe me Brie, you're a good person. You would never hurt anyone, especially not on purpose."

"Joshua. My little brother. My Joshua is gone. I killed him, I ruined everything."

"Please Brie, stop saying that. Everything is going to be fine."

"It hurts Rach, it hurts so much." Brie keeps breathing and crying so hard I'm starting to worry. I tried to help calm her down but nothing seems to be working. I want to call her mother and I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but I have no one else to talk to about this, so I'm at an impasse.

"How can I help Brie, tell me. How can I make it go away? I'm so sorry you're hurting and I want to take the pain away but I don't know how.  Please tell me what to do Brie, I'll do anything. I can't see you like this..."

***
It's been a few weeks and her routine has not changed. From school to work and back home and at night she cries herself to sleep. I had tried talking to her and making her favorite dishes, but nothing changed. She barely ate and she barely spoke. Too worried to let this go on any longer than it had, I'm forced to get up and get real answers to know the extent of the damage I was dealing with and how best to solve it, if that was an option. I knew it was quite late but this wasn't something that could have a right timing, so I called Adrian. Two more times and he finally picks up.

"Is she alright? Has she been eating properly? Why does she look so thin? My God!!! I want to be there with her right now."

"Before now, I would have said that was a bad idea but I also think she needs you. She won't stop crying and I'm very worried about her."

"Shit. Has she said anything to you?"

"Nothing. She won't speak to me about the matter. The only thing she said was that it was all her fault Joshua died and she was to blame for everything wrong happening right now. I don't understand. What did you say to her that put her in this state?"

"No... no... no... no... fuck." I heard him screaming and yelling and kicking.

"What did you say to her Adrian?"

"There was an accident and it's all my fault. Joshua died on the spot."

"My God. When was that? How's Kevin? Does Katelyn know?"

"Kevin survived unharmed, and Katelyn doesn't know yet. I begged Brie not to tell her and seeing that Katelyn hasn't approached me yet, I guess she decided not to."

"Why the hell is Kevin not here fixing all of this and taking responsibility for his family?" I say not realizing my voice had gone up more than one octave.

"He's hurt Rach. He blames himself for his son's death and he's still trying to pull himself together. I wasn't supposed to tell Brie and now I've ruined everything including my chance with her. I can't lose her Rach, she's the best thing that has ever happened to me." I hear a sob escape from his mouth. His pain was evident even through the phone. My heart is breaking for them, but what could I do?

"I don't know how to help you or Brie, but we can figure something out together. First you come over—"

"i'm on my way," he cuts in.

"No. Not tonight. You come over in the morning when it's bright and safe."

"We don't have the time for that, Rach."

"We either do this my way or not at all. When it's bright and safe Adrian, got it?"

"Got it. Thanks."

"It may be too early for that. I don't know if I can fix this. Her brother died, I'm not even sure there is any fixing that can be done in this situation, but I want to try because I know Brie is strong and she can fight this, and if I were in a place like this, she would move heaven and earth to help me through it."

"That's why I said thank you. She's lucky to have you... and so am I."

Tears stood in my eyes as Adrian said those words, I nodded in acknowledgment forgetful of the fact that this was a phone conversation.

"I'll see you in the morning." I finally said.